The Fight
by entropy20
Summary: Jude and Tommy are always fighting. What happens when things escalate from there? Can they get past all the games and jealousy to something real?
1. The Fight

A/N- This is an idea I've had for a while, I thought it would be interesting, but I couldn't find any fics that did the idea well, so i decided to write it the way i always wanted to read it. it's my first fic so be gentle, but still review! thanks!

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"Tommy!" I exclaimed as I burst through the door into studio A. "I have a new song for you!"

I had spent all night writing. I had not been this excited about a new song in a long time, and I desperatly needed to show it to Tommy, he was my Yoda!

"Jude, relax, we have all day..."

What a killjoy. Way to harsh my mellow, Quincy. I sat down and let the glee slowly seep out of me while Tommy finished working on his current project. He rubbed his eyes and took a sip of coffee. Tommy looked a little more tired then usual but I decided not to say anything. Last thing I need is a visual of his late night escapades with whatever Supermodel he was courting at the moment. No, thank you! He finished up and turned his chair towards me.

"Ok, Harrison, tell me about your song." Tommy said while flashing me that million dollar smile.

"It kind of sounds like a No Doubt-Garbage mash-up with a little Hole mixed in for good measure. You're going to love it." I matched his smile and grabbed my guitar and began playing.

_Come on, lets try this again_

_And I don't want this night to end_

_So follow me home_

_and we can finish what we started there_

_Kiss me, tell me what I want to hear_

_Inhibitions vanish into thin air_

_Just don't tell me_

_That I'm too young to know exactly what I want_

_Put your hands on me_

_and I'll show you everything _

_That i am thinking_

_You can stay the night_

_This just feels so right_

_The space between us shrinking_

_You know, It's just casual_

_So lock the door when you go_

_I'm not looking_

_For anything permenant _

_I just want to lose control_

_A little while_

I finished, turned to Tommy and smiled. He had an awful pensive look on his face but I wasn't quite sure what that meant so i decided to be up-front about it.

"What did ya think?" I asked hopefully.

Tommy looked like he was searching for words. I should have just known at that point that this was going to be a difficult day. He may be my producer, but Tom is also my friend and he doesn't like to hurt my feelings...usually.

"The lyrics are awfully...mature" He said, cringing back on the memory of the words i had sung.

Of course they were mature. This felt like my coming-out song. I was tired of sounding like a kid, of everyone thinking of me that way. Even Tommy said himself that "Not Standing Around" sounded like it was for a pre-school party. Well here's my answer to that, Producer Man! I am a full grown woman (even if the law says otherwise at this point) and I'm entitled to sing about whatever I damn well please.

"That's the point, Tommy. I've grown up! I'm seventeen years old and I want to mature as an artist as well as a person, so I think my music should showcase that, don't you think?" I tried to push my point home with logic, but I estimated that i only had about a 50/50 chance of that actually working.

"Jude, you have to have some kind of transition time, you can't just jump from one to the other. Give people the chance to get used to thinking of you that way before you go there, you know?" Tommy was making some sense, but it frusterated me that he was avoiding telling me what he actually _thought _of the song, rather then what he thought other people would think.

"That's funny, cause i thought you, of all people, would understand this." A slight smile on my face relayed to Tommy that I was thinking about my sixteenth birthday, and the variable high-jinks that went on. "Don't you mean give _**you**_a chance to 'get used to this'?" I tried to relay with the look on my face exactly the certain kiss-that-never-happened that was on my mind. It happened, buddy, but it certainly doesn't give you any kind of CLAIM over me. Especially since we don't speak of said kiss or it's reprecussions. No it's filed under that "do not discuss" tab along with him dating my sister, the first _kiss that shall not be named _and about 10 other things that pisses one of us off when we talk about it.

"Just out of curiosity, that song it hypothetical, right? Not, uh, speaking from life experiences?" Tommy asked, looking like he didn't really want the answer. The sad part is that yeah, it's hypothetical, I haven't _done_ anything yet. But do I want to tell him that and see the relieved look on his face? Hell-to-the-no! Ok...this might be fun.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I smiled at him suggestivly. I winked at him and tossed my long blonde hair over my shoulder.

"Jude..." Tommy started with a warning tone. In fact, I didn't like his damn _tone_ at all! He wasn't my father, where the hell does he get off?

"Tom, I think we can both agree that that aspect of my life is none of your damn business." I said calmly, bringing my blue eyes to his. My heart raced a little at the thought that he may actually be bothered by me being with a guy. "Unless, of course, you're jealous..." I kept eye contact with him so he didn't call my bluff. I mean, of course he's not jealous, he's Tom freaking Quincy and he's got a thousand girls lined up for him. Why would he give a second thought to who I was or was not dating and/or sleeping with.

"Jude, don't go there." That warning tone was still in his voice and I could tell that he was getting more than a little pissed with my attempt at calling him out. "You know that doesn't have anything to do with this. I'm concerned for you because you're my artist." He explained carefully so his words were clear. Obviously that just pissed me off more. But him referring to me as just "his artist" is what really set me off. I mean, artist? Protegee, maybe. Friend, sure.

"After everything, your going to tell me that I'm just your artist? That's all this is? What the fuck, Quincy?" I sounded mad, but underneath that anger I was really hurt. We had spent the better part of every day together for the last 18 months (minus the 2 months I was on tour). And when did he become the concerned, professional type anyway?

"Of course you're my friend as well, but right now I'm trying to look out for your best interest." Tommy said with frustration.

"You mean YOUR best interest, Tom! Where you have my total attention and all my feelings. Is it fun for you to watch me struggle with this? Well, fuck off Quincy! You're not my boyfriend OR my father. I am singing this song at my performance tomorrow, deal with it. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go get ready for my date..." I hated Tommy in that moment, because he made it clear that I was too young, that he didn't think of me that way, but I know he enjoys all the attention I give him. What a hypocrite! In the end, he doesn't really give a shit if the song is too mature or sexual or whatever, he just doesn't want my attention to be elsewhere.

Tommy walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder. "I can't stand it when your mad at me. Can't we just..." and he trailed off. He started to look a little uncomfortable and ceased any physical contact with me.

"Can't we just what, Tom? Kiss and make up? HA! Laugh riot!" I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. Maybe I was overreacting a little, but I felt like he only wanted to get on my good side because he found out I had a date. I know Tom, and I swear this would have been a lot bigger arguement and he would not have given up without a fight if I hadn't broken out the D card. He's always really nice to me on days when I have dates, probably so I will be thinking about him while I'm out with someone else. AND IT WORKS!

"Not this time, buddy! I see what you're doing!" and I explained my theory to him, and he proceeded to laugh at me.

"Jude, I have a lot better things to do then play these teenage games with you." Ohh, low blow, Quincy. Of course, it's always about age.

"Yes, I'm sure there is liquor to be drank and models to be fucked. What are you waiting around here for?" I replied shrewdly. He never ceases to look shocked when I start swearing up a storm around him. But, it makes me feel naughty so what the hell? I walked a little closer to him and looked him straight in the face while I was speaking. I was standing there with my arms crossed when a small smile crept across his face.

"Now who is jealous?" Tommy smirked at me, like he knew exactly what I was thinking. Obviously that irked me something fierce.

"Yes, I would _love _to be a coked-out, anorexic skank just so I could make time with Little Tommy Q!" I spat at him. Using his hated nickname was the easiest way to best Tom in a fight, I've found. I usually try to hold out a little longer, but this was quickly turning from a small arguement to a knock-down drag-out brawl where all the dirty laundry was on the table. Tommy turned red at the sound of his teen-idol nickname, and stared straight into my eyes. Their usual friendliness was gone and all I saw was anger...and something else I could not quite place but I might have seen it before.

"Hey, you're the one who has guys falling all over themselves during dates with you but never gives them anything or even a second date. I prefer a skank to a TEASE any day of the week. At least they're honest!" Tommy was pacing around the room at this point, when he saw that the blinds were open on the studio windows and we had begun to attract a crowd with our yelling. He shut the blinds and turned around to face me again.

"So we're going to make this about honesty now? Because I find that truly hilarious! Seriously?" I chuckled at the thought of Tom Quincy giving me lessons about honesty.

"No, this is about you acting like a _slut_. How can you even think about releasing that song? The press sees you out on a shitload of dates and then you put out a song that's about hook-ups? Sounds like a pretty fucking good way to end your career." He growled at me in a low tone that was actually scarier then him yelling at me. Tom still had that smirk on his face, because he knew he was getting the best of me.

"SLUT? _SLUT? _Since when does enjoying sex automatically make a girl a slut?" I yelled at him. Tommy visably flinched at the thought I was actually having sex with any of my dates. I wasn't, but I was so mad at this point that I decided he could think whatever he wanted if it would make him any madder. Still, I couldn't tell if he was actually angry or turned on at the thought of me having sex with random guys. I just can't believe he would actually think I was like that. "What, did you think I was saving myself for you?" That hit a sore spot. His eyes darkened, he grabbed my arm and put his face within 6 inches of mine.

"This is not a conversation we should be having." He spoke slowly, ennunciating every word to make sure he didn't say something he would regret.

"That is where you're wrong, Tom. This is a conversation we should have had a long time ago! At least now I know what you really think of me!" I tore my arm out of his grip and shoved him away from me.

"No, you don't." He came back at me and pulled me into a kiss.

To Be Continued!


	2. The Kiss

The Kiss

As he pulled me into a kiss, I'm sure the look on my face was pure surprise mixed with confusion. He wrapped his hand around my waist and mine snaked up to his hair. I had never had a kiss this intense before, and the longer we kissed the deeper and more lustful it got. His mouth tasted like Kool Aid and cinnimon. Tommy pulled back for a moment and looked at me, but before I could say a word, his lips crashed back onto mine more ardent than the first time. He spun me around and pushed me up against the wall, pinning me as we kissed. I tugged at his jacket finally pulling it off while he untucked my shirt and slid his hand up my back. Finally I realized that I hadn't been breathing and I pulled back from him, breathless and excited.

"What are we doing?" I breathed heavily. Tommy looked like he wanted to say a million different things, but he just couldn't find the words.

"I...uh...something we probably shouldn't be" he said finally.

"Probably..." I replied. The sad part is that I knew that I would end up getting hurt over this, but in the moment I did not care. I'm a teenager, ok? Making out with someone who looks like Tommy is like a banana split after a week of being on the Zone. No, a MONTH of being on the Zone. It's that good. My eyes met his and like magnets we pulled back together and continued kissing. He was so warm and smelled so good, I never wanted it to end. I kissed him with everything that I had, in case this was the last time we kissed I wanted it to be a good one and I wanted him to remember it.

A knock at the door jerked us back into reality. We quickly separated just in time to see the door knob turning. Then Kwest was there standing in the doorway.

"Hey, Are you two ok? I heard you fighting." Kwest asked looking genuinely concerned. How cute.

"Uhh yeah, all's normal on the homefront." Tommy replied looking guilty. He glanced at me briefly and then looked back at Kwest.

"Are you sure? Things sounded pretty heated in here." Kwest eyed us suspiciously.

"Heated!" Tommy asked Kwest, looking panicked.

"Yeah, it sounded like a pretty angry fight." Kwest explained. A small smile crept across my face, thinking of how cute Tommy looked when he was nervous. I need to be careful to keep myself from jumping him in front of Kwest. But I played it cool, which felt new to me. Tommy just looked relieved that Kwest did not mean "heated" another way.

"You know, artists can be so tempermental. I think we're ok now. Jude?" he said, silently asking me to confirm his story.

"Yeah we're best of friends. Quincy and I disagree about stuff like that all of the time. It's just usually in the middle of the night so no one hears us arguing." I elaborated.

Kwest seemed to accept that and he left the room, shaking his head as he went. Tommy looked at me and exhaled heavily.

"That was close. Nice work, Harrison." he looked so relieved it actually annoyed me a little. Would it really be that horrible for someone to have seen us? I don't even think Kwest would care that much. I'm sure Tommy did a lot worse things in his youth than kiss an underage girl. It wasn't even illegal, just "frowned upon."

"Yeah, well, you know me...professional liar. So, I'm going to start practicing for my performance tomorrow." I started to leave.

"What? You're still performing that song? What about..." Tommy looked genuinely surprised, like he was used to kissing girls and having them bend to his will. Well, that's not me, it never has been. It's virtually impossible to me to give in if I have my mind set on something.

"I'm not changing my mind just because you turned on that Quincy charm and gave me an amazing kiss." I replied casually. Actually it was more than a kiss. More like an amazing make-out. But I thought that sounded childish, and the last thing I wanted to do was remind Tommy of how young I am. That leads to denials and ultimatums.

"Amazing, huh?" Tommy grinned at me, "Well, I try"

"Ok, Tom, don't let it go to your head." I said as I pushed past him to grab my guitar and leave.

"Don't you think we should talk about what happened?" he asked me, looking nervous. His blue eyes sparkled, and my heart kind of danced at the thought of talking about my feelings with him. But as I said, I'm trying to play it cool so I don't end up the damn sucker again, getting my hopes up and having them come crashing down. I wanted to enjoy this feeling just as it was.

"Nah, you'll ruin it. Just let it be, Quincy." I told him honestly and I left with him watching me go, which is how it should always be.

I got home feeling exhausted physically and emotionally. I never knew how tiring fighting with Tommy was! Other things with Tommy were, of course, less tiring and more breathtaking and spine-tingling. I sat on the couch and zoned out for a few moments, playing the whole scene with Tommy in my head. Wow. What a kiss. There is certainly a reason the guy gets so much tail. Ok, I had to stop thinking about that and work.

I opened my guitar case and started playing but the chords were just not coming out right. I couldn't decide if I wanted to play the guitar myself or have Spied do it while I focused on singing. Although without a guitar I'm never sure what to do with myself. Especially with this song...sexy dancing? Who am I, Britney Spears? That would be too humiliating. Well that settles it, I'm going to play guitar. I guess I just need to play it until my fingers bleed for practice.

Once my fingers were sufficiently raw, I put my guitar away and tried to make some other decisions about tomorrow. What to wear? Maybe I should go all Marylin Monroe and wear a white dress and curl my newly blonde hair. Nevermind, that would look rediculous on me. I decided to track down Sadie and see if she had any ideas. She was generally good for that sort of thing. I found her sitting in her room listening to music.

"Hey Sades, do you have a couple minutes?" I asked politely. I always found being super sweet and polite before asking for a favor buttered people up a little.

"Sure, what is going on?" Then Sadie's brow furrowed and she gave me a good once over. I started explaining to her that I needed some clothes, something other than my usual ripped jeans, t-shirt and guitar pick necklace. She continued to give me a strange look, and I decided she wasn't listening to me at all.

"What are you looking at me like that for?" I inquired, just a tiny bit annoyed.

"You look...different...did something happen?" She asked. Right away I turned beet red and I wondered how she could tell. Was my lipstick smeared? Was the excitement and joy written all over my face? Was Sadie psychic?

"I don't know what you're talking about." Deny, deny, deny. As much as I wanted to tell Sadie all about it, it hadn't been that long since she and Tommy broke up and I didn't want to upset her. She and I had gotten really close lately and I didn't want to ruin it. It's too bad I'm such an awful liar. But apparently she decided not to press it because she let it go.

"Ok, Jude, I found just the thing. Mature, sexy not skanky." I looked at the dress Sadie had picked out. It was a silver cocktail dress with beading throughout. I tried it on and it came to a little above my knee. Sexy, not skanky just like Sadie said. I thanked Sadie for her stellar choice and thought maybe it was time for bed.

I dreamed about Tommy and our kiss and all sorts of scenarios that were both good and bad. When I woke up I did not feel very rested due to the emotionally charged dreams I had all night. I hung around the house all morning and rehearsed a little more. By 4 O'Clock I started to get ready. My makeup didn't take very long. I went heavy on the eyes and light on the lips. I wanted the dress to stand out anyway, because it was beautiful. My hair was down with a few curls, and then I was ready to go. I jumped in my car and about halfway to the venue I started to get nervous. It was November, and dark already at 5, and getting very cold out. I only had on my dress and a small jacket over it. After all, I didn't want to ruin the effect of the dress by having a rediculous parka over it. There was already a line outside the building so I parked and went in the back door.

Tommy was waiting for me in the dressing room so we could talk over some last minute details. Also, I guessed he wanted to try one more time to convince me not to do this song. I walked in and removed my jacket.

"Ok, let's get this over with." I said with a smile. Tommy finally glanced up at me and his eyes widened. He gave me a quick once-over and smiled. My heart started thumping into my ears with Tom looking at me like that and I tried my hardest to look indifferent.

"Tom, I'm ready to go on." I said, trying to get some kind of reaction out of him.

"Uhh, yeah." He continued to space out for a second and then snapped out of it, "You look gorgeous by the way."

I gave him a little half smile and said, "Ok let's do it." My smile widened as I brushed past him.


	3. The Devil on my Shoulder

I closed my eyes and started to sing. This was the nerve wracking part where I wasn't sure how the audience was going to react towards a new song, especially since this one is so different. I had to push past my nerves._ Come on, lets try this again, And I don't want this night to end, So follow me home and we can finish what we started there._

I looked out at the crowd who were all listening intently. Some were bopping their heads to the beat, and I continued. _Kiss me, tell me what I want to hear, Inhibitions vanish into thin air, Just don't tell me, That I'm too young to know exactly what I want. _

At the "I'm too young" line I looked over at Tom and winked. Even in the dark I could see that he had turned significantly red. Oooh, the infamous Tommy Q can be embarrassed? Good to know!

_Put your hands on me and I'll show you everything, That i am thinking, You can stay the night, This just feels so right, The space between us shrinking._ I purred into the mic as Spied and I played our guitars together. I leaned towards him like I was singing to him, and he smiled at me. We always had really good chemistry on stage. I glanced at Tommy again and he was looking a little ticked. Jealous, much? Not that he would ever admit it but the second I _look _at a guy he gets kind of harsh and defensive. My adrenaline was at an all-time high and I just wanted the song to be over so I would be able to relax because it was over with. However, I could tell the crowd was really into the song and I was so relieved that this wasn't a huge disaster. I was right! Jude-1, Tommy-0. I can't wait to rub it in his face.

I finished up the song, bowed, and skitted off stage. Tommy was waiting for me yet again in the dressing room. Time for sweet gloating. Before I could say a word he spoke.

"I guess I was wrong, Jude. Nice work." He smiled at me, but underneath the smile was an air of nervousness about him. I wasn't sure why, unless he is _really _regretting that kiss. I hope not, because I don't really think I could take another 'it never happened' speech. I would literally lose my mind. Now that I think about it, of COURSE he's regretting the kiss, he's Tommy and I'm Jude and obviously this can't happen. I really wish that it could though.

"Oh, come on! I was all ready to rub it in your face and now you just admit you were wrong without a fight?" Ruin my fun why don't you! The nervous look momentarily disappeared from his face replaced by a look I hadn't seen in months. He looked like he used to before my sixteenth birthday when we could just hang out and things were a lot more relaxed.

"Hey, it's hard enough for me to actually admit I was wrong, give me some credit at least." He playfully punched me in the arm. "Besides, it's easier than fighting with you." and with that rememberance of our fight and ultimately our kiss, that nervous look returned to his face and his smile disappeared. Dammit, just when I thought things might be ok. I was very wrong.

Before I could say anything else someone knocked at the door but I didn't recognize her. She was very tall and very thin, with straight black hair and too much make-up. She was also gorgeous.

"Tom, I've been waiting. Are you ready to go? I don't want to miss our reservations." she said as she looked me up and down. She looked over at Tommy expectantly.

Of _course _she's here with Tommy. How could I forget about his little model addiction? I'm so stupid! Here I am, hoping that things might be different this time, that Tommy might actually like me...and Tommy is setting up dates with yet more models! And I look nothing like her. I began to feel utterly self-consious and sort of looked down at the floor. I know I should feel pissed off, but what right did I have to be mad at him? It's not like he's my boyfriend and he is cheating on me. Shit, he said it yesterday. I'm his _artist_. Whatever.

"Yeah, I'm ready. Jude, I'll see you later." He left with the skinny bitch and I just stood there and said nothing. What happened to the self assured Jude that yelled at Tommy yesterday? I'll tell you...Tommy kissed her! Damn it! I need a drink...

So I left to go find Patsy. She was always good for a fun time, and assured to have some form of alcohol on her at all times. I found her at my rehearsal space, strumming away at her guitar with a bottle of Jack Daniels next to her.

"Hey Pats. Having fun?" I asked her but it was a stupid question. Patsy is always having fun, that's why she is such a cool friend to have.

"More fun than gettin' stitches." She replied, barely looking up from her guitar. I sat down next to her and listened for a minute.

"So, I really need a pick me up of some variety. Do you wanna go out and do something tonight?" I grabbed the bottle that was sitting next to her and took a swig. Ehh, I hate Jack Daniels. I'm really more of a fruity drink sort when I do drink which is not that often seeing as I cannot buy it. Not tonight, though. You can't really drown your sorrows in a Cosmo.

"Sure. I caught your performance by the way. It was absolutely _dirty_. You sounded great though. Different." That is why Patsy is my best friend. She always knows what I need to hear. Also, she won't fall in love with me like Jamie. She was also the only one I could talk to about a certain ex-boybander. Everyone else is so opinionated about the subject. Patsy just listened, gave me ideas, talked shit and made me laugh.

We headed out shortly thereafter and hit The Chain. They were having some kind of open-mic night and someone was screaming off key into the mic. I cringed and looked over at Patsy who was doing some cringing of her own.

"At least I scream on-key." She said and took at seat as far away from the stage as possible. She ordered us rum and cokes and by the time she got there the goth band on stage was finishing up.

"Thanks, we're Cats and Chainsaws. Good night!" said the lead singer before departing off stage.

"What an appropriate name." Patsy said and I cracked up. She continued, "You wanna tell me why you look like someone just kicked your dog?"

"Tommy kissed me." Her eyes widened, not really in suprise, but asking me to elaborate. "We were fighting about my song, and I called him out on some shit that I had bottled up. He did the same, and we were just screaming at eachother. Then he just kissed me out of nowhere."

"That's kind of hot. I didn't know the dink had it in him." She smiled, looking a little impressed, "Fighting is always such good foreplay."

"I wish." I replied. Did I really just say that? That drink is giving me loose lips...

"Ha! Awesome. I didn't know _you_ had it in ya, blondie." She ordered 2 shots of whiskey and laughed, "So what's the problem?"

"Well, he's got all these hangups about my age and stuff. So we never really talked about what happened. Then at my performance tonight he had some skinny model bitch on his arm. I guess I just feel stupid, thinking that him kissing me meant anything." I looked down a little bummed again. Patsy patted me on the shoulder and pushed another shot towards me.

"Drink up, my friend. Forget that dink! You're _famous_, you can bang any guy you want. Waste no more time concerned with the ultra coiffed manwhore." she told me excitedly.

"Oh, I don't think there will be any 'banging' but I guess I could go on a few dates. On the plus side, Tommy always gets super pissed when I am dating someone." I replied, thinking the idea over.

"Not really the angle I was going for, but the hell with it!" she raised another shot, "To pissing him off!" I laughed.

"To pissing him off!" I downed my shot and ordered another. I was more than a little buzzed at this point, and Patsy and I decided to head back to the rehearsal space rather than risking a parental encounter.

We headed in and turned on the light. We sat down on one of the several dingy couches and Patsy lit up a cigarette while we chatted about innocuous stuff like what Spiederman would be like in bed and which of us would look better with a face tattoo. Not to either of our suprise, the answer was her. Just when I had grabbed a marker and was about to begin said facial tattoo, Tommy walked in without knocking.

"What the hell? You scared the shit out of us! Ever heard of knocking?" I told him, trying not to sound as drunk as I was. Not that I really cared if Tommy knew I was drunk, like he can say anything after some of the stories I've heard about his Boyz Attack! days.

"Ever heard of locking your door in a shitty neighborhood at night? Your mom is looking for you. Why on earth would she call me instead of Jamie or your dad, to see where you were?" he asked, seeming a little annoyed.

"Since she knows that I'm usually at the studio with you. What's the matter, Tommy, did my mom cockblock you?" I asked, barely holding it together. Patsy of course had no reason to hold it together and laughed her ass off at the thought. He looked from me to Patsy and back.

"Are you drunk?" He asked, sounding like my dad.

"Why, are you?" I said back. What a comedian. I should drink more often cause I am WAY funnier. Tommy just looked at me like he didn't even need to dignify my question with an answer.

"Did you see my date?" he asked, "There was no way to cockblock that one." he said smugly.

"Nice." I said as I rolled my eyes at him. The King of Ego strikes again. Hey, that could be a good song. I made a mental note to remember that in the morning.

"Well, you started it. Come on, I need to take your drunk ass home before your mom calls the cops and reports you missing." he said grabbing my arm.

"My mom never gave a shit before, I'm sure she can deal for one night." I said yanking my arm from his grip, "Don't worry your pretty little head about me. I'm fine. Now you are like the last person I want to see right now, so if you don't mind..." I motioned to the door. It might seem rude, but I was being honest. He WAS the last person I wanted to see and its not like he was being the nicest right now anyway.

"Why am I the last one you want to see? What did I do?" he asked super innocently. Did he have amnesia?

"What didn't you do, Tommy?" I asked giving him a hard look. His eyes widened and he glanced over at Patsy, alarmed.

"Jude..." he said in a slightly warning tone.

"Relax...Patsy doesn't give a shit. She won't even remember what I told her tomorrow," I told him, feeling increasingly annoyed,"now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get some sleep because I have an early lunch date tomorrow." I lied. His eyes flashed jealousy and then he looked like he was trying to fight it.

"No, Jude, you need to come with me. I'm not letting your Mom get pissed off at me for ignoring her pleas to find you and bring you home. My date is already ruined, so forgive me if I don't really care if you get enough sleep for yours." He grabbed my arm again and started to pull me to the door. Tommy was surprisingly strong and it really took some effort on my part to pull my arm out of his grasp again, and I shoved him.

"Ow!" I yelled, "Ease up, Constable Quincy!" I gave him a death stare which he returned and we stood there for a few moments in a battle of will. I finally decided that it wasn't worth getting into another screaming fight with Tommy, so I went with him reluctantly.

"Sorry, Pats, I guess I gotta go home for my beauty sleep. Thanks for cheering me up, I'll see you tomorrow." She nodded and went back to writing, as she had been doing for part of me and Tommy's arguement.

Tommy found chivalry momentarily and opened the car door for me. He jumped in his side without and word and started making the slightly long trek across town to my house.

"Why did you need cheering up?" He asked me gently.

"Don't worry about it. Can you just drive, please?" I snapped at him.

"Is this about...you know...Jude, I..." he started.

"Tom, not everything is about you." I lied. At that he drove me home without another word. When we got to my house, any part of me that was trying to not act as drunk as I was had evaporated. I stumbled out of the car and attempted to make my way to the front door. Tommy grabbed my hand and helped me inside. I had noticed that my mom's car was not in the driveway and that really ticked me off.

"So much for my mom worrying about me. She's not even home. She's probably on a date with that nasty divorce lawyer of hers. Hey, even moms need to get laid I guess." I laughed bitterly.

Tommy helped me up the stairs and into my room. I couldn't remember if this was the first time he had been in my room, but it said "Jude" on the door, so it wasn't really much of a mystery which room was mine. Plus, I'm guessing that he had been up here to Sadie's room at least a couple of times when they were together. He helped me take my jacket off and I sat down on my bed. I attempted to get my shoes off but was having some trouble with the buckles. Tommy grabbed my foot and helped me. I realized how uncomfortable this dress I was still wearing was.

"Hey, can you toss me that tank top and sweatpants? I really can't sleep in this." I slurred as I motioned to my sparkley dress. He handed me the clothes and I stood up and yanked the dress over my head.

"Jesus! Could you warn me next time?" he said as he blushed beet red and turned around.

"I guess all my deportment goes out the window when I'm smashed." I told him and shrugged. I had a pretty nice body, and I wasn't all that concerned with Tommy seeing some of it. I finished putting the clothes on and told Tommy he could turn back around. He looked so cute when he was embarrassed and I totally forgot that I was mad at him at all. Then I thought back onto what he had said.

"Next time? Ha! When will that be?" I chuckled and looked up at him. He was standing over me as I sat on my bed. His eyes seemed to glow in the dim light from the small reading lamp across the room.

"You know what I meant, Harrison." He said defensively, but he moved closer to me at the same time. "Ok, I should go but I'll see you tomorrow." he said softly but did not move a muscle.

"Or you could stay..." I asked as I stood up and met his eyes directly.

Tommy sighed and he looked like he was having a morality war inside his head. You know, Angel on one shoulder and Devil on the other. I smiled as I pictured this. Before he could come up with an answer I leaned in and kissed him. The kiss was much more gentle than the one yesterday, because there was no anger behind it. It soon became more urgent and I wrapped my arms around his neck. Yes, he was definately kissing me back. But as fast as the kissing had begun, it ended with him pulling back. The Angel had won. He looked at me like it was actually painful for him to be this close to me.

"I should go." he said again reluctantly. He turned and left. I sighed, frusterated, and layed down on my bed. I fell asleep dreaming of Tommy's cinnimon kisses and that wily Devil on my shoulder.


	4. The Memory

A/N- this story was originally supposed to be a two-shot but I guess I'm having fun writing it so I think I'll keep it going provided people still want to read it. No better way to show your support than reviews! if you like the story, review each chapter! :) thanks for reading!

As expected, I woke up late for my date. Well, late to get ready anyway. I jumped out of bed and threw on the closest thing I could find that was clean. A Ramones tee and a pair of old jeans. I guess I'm not really dressing to impress this one, eh? I put on my makeup as fast as possible without poking myself in the eye with liner and brushed my hair. Ah, the old "just rolled out of bed look" some women try so hard for. Well, I got it for free. I grabbed my keys and headed out.

On my way to the restaurant I had some time to reflect on what happened last night, what I could remember of it anyway. Did I see Tommy? I remember going out with Patsy and then nothin'. Shit, I hope I didn't do anything stupid. I'll have to find Patsy later and ask her. Or Tommy. Although if I _didn't_ see Tommy last night it would be good not to let him know that I got so drunk I blacked out. Oh well, just blowing off some steam. Steam that HE caused.

I met my date at a Olive Garden type restaurant downtown. His name was Ryan and I know he was super nice when I met him a few nights ago after one of my shows, so I actually had high hopes for this date. I wound up only being 5 minutes late, but he was already sitting at the bar waiting for me. We hadn't really gotten to the whole age thing but apparently he was at least 19 because he was having a beer. He saw me approaching and I gave him a little wave.

"Hi! I hope you haven't been waiting long." I said with a smile. He grinned back at me, his green eyes sparkling.

"Nope, just long enough to get here and order a beer. Let's go sit at a table." He said as I followed him into the dining area.

We sat and looked at the menus while engaging in some meaningless chitchat. The awful part is that I wasn't listening to him all that much, just enough to be able to respond without sounding like an idiot. I kept dwelling on last night and what I could not remember. It was really not fun to have a blank space in my memory. Ryan was telling me some story about the last time he ate Italian and I just nodded along while spacing out. What am I doing? This guy is super cute and nice and well I haven't been listening to him enough to tell if he is funny, but he probably is. I'm ruining this for no good reason. I could see a few paparazzo outside snapping our pic. They follow me around quite a bit now.

"Sorry about that." I said, gesturing to the guys with cameras outside.

"Hey, no worries. One of the prices of fame I suppose." He smiled at me and shrugged.

We finished our lunch and made plans for a second date in a few days. I kissed Ryan on the cheek and gave him a hug. I smiled at him while I was leaving and jumped in my car to head towards the studio. Tommy and I had plans to record at 4, and my date lasted longer than I thought because it was already 3. I scampered into the studio, excited to see Tommy despite the awkward note we left on yesterday. He was already setting up the soundboard.

"Hey stranger!" I said cheerily.

"Hey." he paused and looked a me carefully, "You're looking pretty chipper today, considering."

"Considering what?" I asked, feeling the pit in my stomach grow even heavier than before.

"Considering how drunk you were last night." he said as he raised his eyebrows at me. My heart dropped. SHIT, I _did _see Tommy last night.

"Umm..." I stammered, turning a little red, "Yeah, Patsy and I just went out for a little fun. Girls night. Did we talk on the phone, or..." I asked, saying a silent prayer.

"You don't remember seeing me at all?" He chuckled a little and shook his head, "Know your limits, girl."

"Shut it, Quincy. Like you're one to talk. Waking up ass naked in Strawberry Fields Memorial, anyone?" I said pointing an accusatory finger at him. He didn't saying anything and just shrugged at me. "I didn't do anything embarrassing, did I?" I asked, wondering if I even wanted to know.

"Nah, don't worry about it." Tommy said and I could tell he was lying. Tommy was a really crappy liar, but he also looked relieved. I squinted my eyes at him trying to read him better. Yep, there was definitely something he wasn't telling me. I decided it would be in my best interest to drop the subject so that we could get some work done. I had a couple songs I had written that I hadn't shown Tommy yet, and he helped me tweak the lyrics.

We sat with a paper between us and took turns scribbling out and writing new lyrics accordingly. It was getting pretty late, maybe 12 a.m or so, by the time we remembered to eat. We played rock, paper, scissors to see who had to go and get the food. He lost. Well, that's what you get when you're ALWAYS rock. Tommy left to go grab some Chinese and I continued to work. Suddenly, I got a flash of something. A memory. Tommy and I kissing. Tommy and I kissing...in my bedroom? Then I lost the thought and couldn't remember any more. I thought it might be a memory from a dream but something told me it was real. As much as I wanted to ignore it, I couldn't. I had to ask Tommy again what happened. He got back with some food about 20 minutes later.

We started to eat and I asked casually, "So, did we hang out last night? Where was Patsy?" He kind of looked down at his food like he was trying to think of a response, any response besides telling me the truth.

"Yeah, I came to give you a ride home since you obviously couldn't drive. Your mom was worried about you." he said, avoiding the details.

"But my mom wasn't even home when I got up this morning." I pressed

"Yeah, she wasn't there when I got you home last night either. You told me she must have gone out with that guy she's seeing." he said, "No biggie. Why do you care?" he asked nervously.

"You haven't yet told me about when we kissed." I told him directly. Tommy blanched.

"Well, I didn't think it was that big of deal. I don't know! I just thought since you didn't remember maybe it would be easier on the both of us if I didn't tell you. Skip the awkwardness, you know? But I guess you remembered..." he said awkwardly.

"Just a little. It is a big deal, Tom. That's the second time in 2 days. What IS this?" I said as I motioned towards us both.

"It was an accident, ok? You were drunk, you don't even remember it, not really. Can't you just let it go?" he whispered loudly.

"What about the other day? I wasn't drunk then!" I started to raise my voice the more he lowered his, "What's your excuse for that?"

"I don't know! I guess I was caught in the moment! You said you didn't even want to talk about it." he yelled, looking around to see if anyone could hear us but it was the middle of the night so it seemed he was just being paranoid.

I paced around the room for a second avoiding his eyes. I suppose he was waiting for me to say something. All I wanted was an explanation. Why did we kiss? Did I kiss him or vice versa? Why was I in my bra and underwear? That last one may have been the most important question of all. Did I do the unthinkable? Did I have sex with Little Tommy Q? I just could not bring myself to ask him that. Although if I had, it would be a shame not to remember it. In a way, I suppose Tommy was right. I told him I didn't want to talk about the kiss when he offered. To be honest, I thought that was the last time it would happen. I didn't think we'd be in the same situation 2 days later!

"I just wanted to remember it." I said as I kicked at the ground with my hands in my pockets. That was the honest truth and I was just too tired at this point to beat around the bush. "I'll see you tomorrow." With that I packed my stuff into my bag and left before he could say another word. He was probably happy he didn't have to finished this conversation, to discuss reasons behind things the never thought he would do. I wish I could say I thought he was in denial about all these feelings for me, but in the end he was probably right and it _was _just in the moment. Too bad.

The next morning I woke up to Tommy blowing up my phone. I chose not to answer, as I did not want to have a repeat of yesterday this early in the morning. I ate some eggs, took a shower and went to the studio. Tommy had called me about 6 times since the call that had woken me up, and I wondered what was so urgent that it couldn't wait until I got there. Geez! When I walked into studio 2, Tommy's back was facing me and he was on the phone. I waved my hand in front of his eyes to let him know I was there. He looked at me and quickly got off the phone. Tommy looked kind of pissed off, and I wondered what I had done this time to set off another Tommy Tantrum.

He threw a magazine down onto the table between us.

"Do you want to tell me what the hell this is?"

To Be Continued


	5. The More Things Change

A/n-thanks for the awesome reviews, keep 'em coming!

"What does it look like? It's a copy of _Talk National_." I replied, glaring at him for his rudeness.

Although when I took a closer look at the cover I noticed it was a photo of myself and Ryan the other day on my date. The headline read, "Jude Harrison's Many Men" Ha! Many men, indeed! I hadn't been on even a second date with a guy in like 3 months. Sometimes I hate those stupid gossip rags. Now Tommy is across the table glaring at me waiting for me to elaborate or come up with an excuse of something. I really didn't owe him one but I gave him one anyway.

"Oh, that's from my date yesterday. Big deal, we're just eating. It doesn't even have me hugging him goodbye!" I explained.

"No, that nice photo is on the inside." he said sarcastically, "Sometimes you just don't think, Jude. Do you know how bad this is for your image? To have people implying that you're promiscuous?"

"Since when are you my publicist? Or my agent? Last time I checked you were just my _producer,_ Tom. If Darius wants to ream me a new one, perhaps I'll listen. Anyway, the tabloids are always going to be saying something. Who cares? It's not true!" I unloaded and let out a huge sigh.

Tommy has this way overprotective side and I used to think of it as sweet but lately it has been bordering on controlling. Tommy's expression softened and I guess he realized how ridiculous he was being. He got up out of his chair so he could be face to face with me.

"I'm sorry, Jude. I overreacted," he paused for a moment, then brought his hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. "I guess I'm just protective."

"You know I appreciate that. But you can _ask_ before you get mad next time." I said smiling at him.

"Ok," he said as he rolled his eyes, "Who's the guy, anyway?

"Oh, that's Ryan. I met him after a show the other night. He's really nice. We're going out again this weekend." I told Tommy, feeling proud that a) I had finally made a second date with someone and b)I'm proving that I'm not totally obsessed with Tom Quincy. Yes, Tommy, I DO have a life outside this little freak-show we've got going on.

He looked at me and I could see he wanted to say something but held it back. What is he up to?

"What?" I looked at him, questioning.

"Nothing. You ready to work?" He asked as he grabbed my hand and dragged me into the sound booth.

He sat me down in a chair and took the opposite one for himself. "What do you got for me, Harrison?" he asked with a smile.

We spent the afternoon working on a new song, and I realized I hadn't had this much fun with Tommy in a long time. See? We're not _always_ fighting. I figured this truce was short-lived, as they all are but decided to enjoy it while it lasted. Apparently my lack of sleep was catching up to me because when I sat down on the couch next to Tommy, who was telling me some ridiculous Boyz Attack story, I fell asleep. Tommy fell asleep as well, with his head on my shoulder. We awoke to a booming voice.

"T!" exclaimed Darius so loud that it startled us both awake, "A word?" Tommy nodded and followed him out of the room.

I listened at the door to Darius's office.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?" Darius asked Tommy, sounding pretty mad.

"What do you mean?" Tommy asked, I guess he was choosing to play dumb. In his defense Darius really didn't have the right to suspect anything. We were just crashed out on a couch together. Big deal.

"She's seventeen, Tom." Darius said in an even tone.

"She's my _artist, _D. That's all. I don't know what you think you saw, but you're wrong." Tommy said defensively. Ok, good to know where I stand, I guess. Either that or Tommy is lying through his teeth.

"And those fights you two have been having behind closed doors sound more and more like lover's quarrels. Look, whatever it is, cool it down." Darius said, and Tommy must have nodded or shrugged or acknowledged in some other way because I heard footsteps coming towards the door and I high-tailed it out of there.

I went to the little kitchenette type area and poured myself a cup of coffee, leaning across the counter deep in thought. Darius is observant. Or maybe our fights did sound like, what did Darius call them? Lover's quarrels? Ha! Yeah right. I've got a better chance of becoming Miss America. All we've had is a couple of kisses, and they didn't mean anything, at least not to Tommy. It's not like I expected him to tell Darius anything that happened, but hearing him say in just his _artist_ always hurt a little. Don't I even deserve the "We're just friends" argument?

I decided to go back into the studio like nothing had happened. I walked in with my coffee and sat down next to Tommy at the sound board. His whole body visibly stiffened and I knew he knew I was there although he didn't acknowledge my presence.

"Hey!" I shoved him playfully.

"Hi. Ready to work?" he looked at me strangely and scooted his chair about 8 inches away from me. I guess what Darius said really freaked him out.

"Uhh, sure," I said, "So what did Darius want?"

"Just business. Don't worry about it." he replied but he was such a bad liar I felt like the word was written on his forehead with red lipstick. I gave him a disbelieving look and pressed harder.

"Really? Because he sounded kind of angry when he came in here." I said as I tilted my head towards him. I wish he would just talk to me about this. Having to sift through all the lies and untruths gets a little old after a while. What harm would it do talking to me about this? Share the burden, for Christ's sake, if that's what it is.

"Don't worry about it." he looked at me sharply and I could see he wasn't going to budge.

"Sí, Señor Quincy." I said with a smile, but could not manage to budge that stone look off Tommy's face.

We worked the rest of the afternoon in a state of hyper awkwardness. Every time I got within a foot of Tommy he would move away or come up with some excuse to leave the room. I think it would have looked ridiculous to anyone who was watching, and confirm their suspicions if they thought anything was going on. He was acting like an idiot. At about 5 O' Clock neither of us could take it anymore, and he told me he had a headache and was leaving for the day. I responded in a slight nod. What a difference between lunchtime and now. I can't believe I thought it could ever be like it was. That was naïve even for me.

I left G Major about 6 and headed home. The rest of the evening was boring and uneventful. Ate dinner, watched TV, played POGO online. After 2 hours of Balloon Bounce, I headed to bed. I laid there for a long time, and could not get my mind to relax. I was thinking about the events of the day, worrying if things would ever be normal with Tommy and me again. Before, I was angry at him for so much, but now I just wanted my friend back. I _missed_ him, even though I had spent the whole day with him.

At 1 a.m. I decided sleep was not going to come. I got up and rifled through my parents liquor cabinet. I know, I know. It seems like I drink a lot, but this is maybe the 3rd or 4th time in my whole life. I just couldn't relax, I've never felt this anxious. Anxious and worried. I downed a few shots of tequila and stared off into space as I sat in the dark living room. I decided I needed to at least _try _to fix this situation with Tommy.

I took a cab over to Tommy's place, because there was no way I was going to drink and drive. I knocked on Tom's door and waited. I heard something like a chair being knocked over and a minute later he answered the door.

"Jude, what are you doing here?" he asked, holding the door frame to steady himself.

"I need to talk to you." I said as I leaned in and smelled him, "You smell like a distillery."

He shrugged, "Deal with it." He left the door open but turned around and walked back into his kitchen to pour himself a drink. I followed him in and stood in the middle of the living room waiting for him. Then, not much to my surprise, a gorgeous brunette walked out of his bedroom buttoning up her shirt.

"Tom, I should get going. My husband will be home soon." she said before she noticed me. She, like the chick that was with Tommy a few days ago, looked me up and down. "What, do you have back-to-back appointments?" She laughed.

This might have been the most uncomfortable I have ever felt. Tommy had this look on his face like, "what?" and the random chick was still staring at me.

"Sorry to interrupt. I'm going to go." I turned to leave but the brunette women stopped me.

"No, you stay. I need to leave anyway. Have fun, I sure did." She said with a sultry smile, and I shuddered. Eww. Not the mental image I needed. I mean, I'm not stupid, I know that Tommy bangs all these chicks he goes out with, but I still didn't like being here in the middle of it. I might as well have walked in on them screwing. The woman left, leaving Tommy and I alone in his living room.

"That sucked." He said with a chuckle, then he sat on the couch running his fingers through his hair. He took a sip of his drink and looked at me expectantly.

"So, can we talk?" I asked. He nodded. All of a sudden I felt like I was NOT ready for this conversation and I mimicked his action of going to the kitchen and pouring a drink. I decided, what the hell, and just took the whole bottle of tequila into the living room. I took a swig from the bottle and sat down on the couch next to Tommy.

"Do you think this counts as me providing alcohol to a minor? I mean, I didn't really give it to you, I just didn't stop you from taking it." He asked me. I wondered if he was really worried about that or if he just didn't want to talk about anything more serious.

"Tom, what happened to you today?" I said, ignoring his initial question, partly because I didn't really know the answer.

"I let my guard down. I wasn't professional. People are noticing, Jude." he said ambiguously.

"Noticing what, Tommy? That we're friends? Who cares?" I stated with frustration.

"I care, Jude. My boss, _our_ boss, thinks we're fucking. That's not ok." Tommy said as he shook his head. I turned a little red at the crassness of his statement. It never really dawned on me that that's what Darius thought. He never flat out said that, but I guess that's how Tommy took it in their conversation today.

"But we're not, Tommy. We're friends, or at least we used to be. I _miss _you" I told him honestly. I scooted closer to him on the couch and handed him the bottle I had been holding. He took it from me and took a drink.

"Why do you have to say things like that?" he said sadly. It's funny, the words sounded kind of angry, but there was no anger in his voice.

I grabbed his hand and held it in mine, and leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. His eyes closed for a second, and I did not move back over. He closed the gap between us again, but this time he kissed me on the lips. Am I crazy? This is not what I came over here for! But it felt nice, and he wasn't stopping it, so we continued kissing. I ran my hand from his hair to the back if his neck while he placed his hands on my hips.

I pushed myself up and threw a leg over to climb on top of him, but never broke the kiss. We parted briefly so we could both breathe, which we were doing heavily.

"This is wrong..." He said between kisses, "We shouldn't be doing this."

"I know." I said, but neither of us stopped.


	6. The More They Stay the Same

A/n- I wrote this chapter pretty fast but I think it turned out ok. I hope you guys like it! Let me know what you think, or if you have any ideas for how things could happen. I don't really have a plan for what is going to happen in this story, I'm just making it up as I go so let me know what you think, or if you have any ideas for how things could happen. I'm open to anything!

Tommy grabbed fistfuls of my hair as he pulled me in closer to deepen the kiss. By this point I had completely forgotten anything I had come here to talk to him about. He smelled so good...like expensive cologne, hair gel and peppermint. My mind went completely blank and I just went with the moment.

Even in my drunken haze I knew I should run for the hills. There was an evil thought in my head that said neither of us is going to remember this in the morning so why not just...you know, enjoy it. Tommy picked me up so we could lay down lengthwise on the couch, and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He leaned back down on top of me so he could kiss up my collarbone to my neck. A small moan escaped my lips.

In one swift motion Tommy sat up a little, pulled his shirt over his head and returned to kissing me. Yeah, he'd done this before...just not with me. He looked good, I mean REALLY good. I had never seen Tommy with his shirt off before. It was nice. Instinctively, I did the same, and in a matter of seconds I was lying there in just my black lacy bra and a pair of old jeans. He took a second to admire the view, kissed me again, and then started to unbuckle my studded belt.

I don't know if it was his proximity to me or what, but something shoved me back to reality and it felt like a punch in the face. All of a sudden I felt almost completely sober, and I realized that he wasn't going to stop this, and if I didn't, something was going to happen that we couldn't take back. As good as this felt, it didn't seem right because we were both out of our minds.

As Tommy was unbuttoning my pants, I put my hand on his to stop him. He looked up at me, questioning, like no one had ever stopped him before.

"Are we out of our fucking minds?" I asked him, quite seriously, "We can't do this."

"Why not?" He said, as a statement. It was like he was saying 'of course we can.'

His eyes were dark with lust, and in that second I wanted him to be sober so badly. Then _he_ would be the one saying, "this is ridiculous" although if he was sober it never would have gotten this far. Not even close.

Tommy leaned in and kissed me again, this time it took me a second to stop him. After all, he was a really good kisser, and he was _really_ hot. It was almost painful for me to push him away.

"Because if you weren't drunk you wouldn't be doing this." I told him.

"Maybe not," he said with a sly smile, "but I'd want to."

My heart skipped a beat and I almost gave up the fight right then. He bit his lip a little and looked up at me.

"Tommy, I don't even think you know what you're saying right now." was all I could manage. He wanted he hook up with me? Since when? Did someone replace his brain when I wasn't looking? How much tequila had he had? So many questions were running through my head I almost forgot we were having a conversation.

"Of course I do," he said slurring just a little, "Isn't this just what you wanted? Sex with no strings attached? I've heard your song, remember? Jesus, the title of it is, 'No Strings'." what he said was a little offensive, but the way he said it was so seductive I almost fainted. Yeah, this boy was talented. As he spoke he inched closer to me.

"Maybe it is, but I can't have that with you." I told him honestly. He looked a little hurt.

"So you just want to fuck a total stranger then?" Tommy asked bitterly.

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean, we have strings. This isn't random. I have feelings for you, Tom. I cannot be another notch on your bedpost." I said sadly. He tried to say something but I cut him off.

"You had sex like an hour ago with some random chick! That's how little you think of me? You weren't even going to wash your dick before you put it in someone else?" I exclaimed with more anger. Then he had this look in his eyes I had never seen before. It was shame. I buckled my pants and started looking for my shirt.

"Hey, _you_ came over _here_. I didn't call you and ask you to stop by. What, am I supposed to be psychic? I'm a grown ass man, Jude. I meet girls, sometimes I sleep with them. What do you want me to do?" he said, crossing his arms. I finally found my shirt and pulled it over my head.

"You're such an asshole. I can't believe I thought my first time could be with you. I must be seriously deluded and deranged." I said before I could stop myself. Mis-take.

His eyes widened and he looked somewhat confused. Tommy's brow furrowed and he looked like he had lost all words. I decided to get the hell out of there before he could say anything. After all, I really did not want him to know that, it had just slipped in the heat of the moment. I grabbed my bag and my jacket and hustled towards the door.

"Jude, wait..." Tommy called after me. I kept walking and slammed the door on my way out.

I walked up the street to a busier road. It then dawned on me that it was 3 in the morning and public transportation was not running. I had to call for a cab and they told me one could not get there for 30 minutes. There was no way I was going to face the humiliation of going back to wait at Tommy's. I would rather freeze to death.

Finally, after almost 45 minutes of waiting outside in the freezing cold, then cab pulled up. As the cab drove away from Tommy's place, one tear escaped from my eye. I almost had what I wanted, only it wasn't the way I wanted it at all.

When I got home I climbed into bed. You'd think I'd be exhausted, but once again I couldn't turn my mind off. I kept wondering how bad it was going to be tomorrow. I bet Tommy was just going to ignore me totally. Whether out of embarrassment or anger, I doubt I will hear two words from Tommy Q tomorrow. It's better I make peace with that now so it doesn't take me by surprise. The worst part is that I'm not mad at him or anything. Just the opposite, I may actually be in love with the guy. Wow, I've never admitted that before. I just didn't want to lose my virginity to him while we were both drunk 5 minutes after he had sex with someone else. Not too special.

I didn't sleep a wink so you can imagine how crappy I looked the next day. I tried to cover it up with makeup but I just ended up looking like a porcelain doll. I put on a hoody, flipped the hood up and went to school. I ran into Patsy after my first class and she could see all over my face that I was not well. I explained last night to her in detail.

"You should have just done it and gotten it over with. " she said, offering her sage-like advise.

"Even though some random chick had just been there? That's hella skank." I said, shaking my head. In some ways I guess it's better that I had seen that woman because otherwise I might have gone through with it seeing as I was not in my right mind. I still think I would have regretted it though, and I _know_ Tommy would have.

"True, I just think it might make it easier for you to get over him. Ha! Get over him by getting under him." she laughed

"I don't think we think the same way, Pats. Sleeping with Tommy would have the opposite effect." I smiled and shook my head. "I appreciate you listening to me though. How is everything with you? How's Jamie? I haven't talked to him in a few days..."

"Can't complain." was all she said. Patsy was never very talkative when it came to herself. We chatted a little more about stuff and then I left to get to my next class. Nothing else really happened at school and the day was over pretty fast. Now, to what I've been dreading all day. The studio.

The front door of G Major used to be magical for me. Like a place anything could happen. Now I feel like I'm going to my own funeral walking inside. I braced myself for an awkward afternoon. I got halfway to Studio B when I saw Tommy in the little kitchenette to the right. I needed to approach him and rip the band aid off. As I got closer, he looked up at me and smiled.

"_Hey, Jude_." he sang, "_Don't make it bad...Take a sad song...and make it better._"

"Hardy har har. Never heard that one before, Quincy." I looked at him reluctantly.

"Sorry, I couldn't resist. How are you feeling? Ready to get to work?" he asked sweetly.

What the hell? He's being nice, like nothing even happened. Does he not remember? Shit, this is _not _what I expected. I guess I shouldn't complain though. We worked a fair part of the afternoon in peace and harmony. The whole time I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. Although once in a while I would see him in my peripheral vision looking at me strangely.

We were recording a new song I had written a couple of nights ago. Tommy said it was time for vocals, so I went into the sound booth.

I started, _"__If I don't cry, Do you think I don't feel? If I look away, it doesn't mean I don't see. __And just because I want someone when I'm alone, __Doesn't mean I'm helpless, __That I can't stand on my own..."_

I finished the song thinking that the lyrics made pretty good sense to what was happening with me and Tommy right now. I just hope he didn't pick up on that. Tommy asked me to sing it again, so I did. In the middle of singing a woman walked into the studio and sneaked up behind Tommy. He turned around and smiled when he noticed her. She leaned in and kissed him and he did not stop her. That hussy! She needs to keep her mitts off of him! I took a deep breath and reminded myself that Tommy was not mine, I was not his girlfriend. He was supposed to be able to do whatever he wanted to, and I could too. Then why does this hurt so bad?

I put my hands on my hips, jutting one out to one side so he knew I meant business. I coughed a little bit into the microphone so he remembered I was still there.

"Just a second, Jude." he said without even looking over at me, and continued flirting with Random Chick Number 871.

Would it be completely ludicrous to think he was trying to make me jealous? Probably.

"Tom, can we finish this song so I can go home at a decent hour? Unlike last night..." I said with a slight attitude. He glanced over at me when he heard the words, "last night." So he _did_ remember we almost had sex last night. I guess I was right about him, because the whole fiasco certainly didn't stop him from trying to get it in with this random girl. Manwhore. Tommy still didn't say anything else to me, so I told him through the mic that I was going to get some coffee.

I went into the bathroom and shut a stall door behind me. I couldn't stop the streams of tears from flowing anymore. I'm just lucky I was able to keep my cool in front of Tommy. He knows I have feelings for him, so the last thing I wanted to do was break down in front of him when he is with a woman. Pathetic! I cried for a couple minutes and then tried to fix my makeup in the mirror.

What am I doing crying over him? What's that saying? Don't get mad, get even. I need to show Little Tommy Q that he's not _immune_ to jealousy. Let the games begin.


	7. The Push of the Buttons

A/N I haven't written anything on this story in almost a year, and today out of nowhere I got inspired. I hope someone is still interested in reading it! Let me know what you think

This morning I moped. I went back and forth between loving Tommy, to looking up laws on justifiable homicide. Eventually I sat and brainstormed ways I thought I could make him jealous. I know, childish...deal with it. All I could think about was how to make him feel even a semblance of what I've been feeling, of how he makes me feel. Oh, you want to pretend everything's fine? Ok, Tom. Here it goes.

My next date with Ryan wasn't for a few days, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to involve him in this at all. He seemed really nice, and if he actually liked me, it would be a pretty skank move to lead him on more just to piss off Tom. Realistically, any guy would do for that purpose. If the guys name isn't T.O.M, Tommy was M.A.D. God I hate him right now.

My first step into "Operation Green" (as I was calling it...hehe Green with envy, get it?) was to dress slightly provocatively and be super friendly to every guy in G-Major. Not in a gross way, though, just...flirty. Hey, I need to flex my skills! I haven't really worried about any guy but Tommy in so long I need to brush up and try not to look like a spaz.

I put on a little extra makeup, defining my eyes. I looked through Sadie's closet because my whole wardrobe was full of concert tees and torn jeans. I finally chose a short black miniskirt and a white, long sleeved, low-cut sweater with a black bra underneath. Simple, but sexy. That's how I roll. I curled my blonde hair just a smidge and pulled some of it back to keep it out of my face. Stepping back to admire my work, I smiled.

"Perfect" I thought to myself.

Walking into G-Major I felt like I was on a mission. A little extra sway in my step, a little wink and a hair toss, this would be a piece of cake. Outwardly I was hoping this was the step I needed to finally get over Tommy Quincy, but secretly I knew it wouldn't be that easy. So I might as well have a little fun. I strolled over to one of the interns, Jake, whom I hadn't seen in a few weeks.

"Jake!" I called, bringing a small amount of attention to myself. Hey, it wouldn't be worth it if no one saw, right?

"Oh, hey Jude. Long time no see." Jake said, smiling. He wasn't a bad looking guy. Not really my type though. He looked like he was a water-polo player in high school.

"You don't call, you don't write. Where's the love?" I said, giving him a hug that lingered a little long. He chuckled, smiling. "Did you change your hair, you look different." I said, running my fingers slightly through his hair, as if measuring it to see if it was the same length.

"No, no just spent some time outside in the pool, so the sun might have lightened it up a little." he told me. What did I tell you? Water polo! It sounds mean but you stroke any guys ego and he is putty in your hands. Sadie has taught me the secret of guys. She always had a boyfriend growing up so when I started to notice guys, I asked her advice. She's like my Yoda.

"Well, it looks good." I said, smiling shyly, batting my eyelashes a little. I almost threw out the 'have you been working out?' but decided that was too cliché.

"I like how you have your hair today. I've never seen it curly like that before." he said, pulling slightly on a few strands. Jake was definitely flirting back. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Tom watching us, stirring some cream into his coffee. I was careful not to look directly at him.

"I have to go record for a while but give me a call later and we can catch up." I said, pulling out a marker and writing my number on his hand.

"Ok, will do." Jake replied, smiling even bigger. He did have a nice smile.

I leaned over, put on hand on his shoulder and whispered into his ear, "see ya" and saw Tommy shift uncomfortably, pretending he was doing anything but watching and listening intently. Suck it, Tom! As I walked away from Jake, I turned and smiled at him one last time over my shoulder, adding fuel to the fire. Hey, it needed to be done.

When Tommy saw me coming he walked away quickly and back into studio A. Unfortunately that's where I needed to go as well. He was in the corner looking through some equipment when I walked in, and I ignored him, walking straight towards Kwest, who was sitting at the sound board.

"Hey Kwest, whatcha workin' on?" I asked sweetly, coming up behind him and wrapping my arms around his shoulders (in a friendly, not flirty way) and resting my chin on his shoulder. He didn't seem to mind, or think it was strange, so I stayed like that for about a minute.

"Oh, hey Jude. Just mixing that song you recorded yesterday. Tommy thinks it's done but I'm thinking we could use one more take on the second verse."

"Which is why you're the engineer and I'm the producer." Tommy interjected. I raised my head from Kwest's shoulder and looked Tommy in the eyes.

"It couldn't hurt to do it again. Maybe you should listen to someone else for once." I stated with my arms crossed, telling him I wasn't in the mood to bend to his every whim today.

"Whatever Jude, I've only been doing this, oh, since you were in pigtails." he said sourly.

"I see how it's going to be. Whatever you want Tom, as usual. I'd rather get out of here early anyway, I have plans tonight." I replied with just the slightest of smirks crossing my lips.

"With who?" he asked, a little too quickly. Kwest looked up at him questioningly.

"None of your business. Last time I checked you weren't my father, and definitely not my boyfriend." I said defensively.

"I know that Jude, I just need to make sure that _my artist _is not staying out all hours of the night. You have work to do here, and a couple of local shows coming up to showcase your new song. Darius wants to do a video, even though I tried to advise him against it." Tommy explained. Using the phrase "_my artist_" was just a personal dig at me because he knew I hated it, but Kwest has no way of knowing that. It's like an incognito burn, and I hated him for it. Just the fact that HE KNEW what he was doing made me so mad I almost started to tear up, but I didn't. This was MY day, MY new start, MY turn to turn things around on him, he was not winning that easily.

Kwest was getting uncomfortable sitting there in the middle of a glare-off, so he started to leave, muttering something about sandwiches. While he was still in ear-shot I leaned over to Tommy, smiling seductively, and said, "You didn't seem to mind me being out at all hours the other night..." Tom's eyes widened in alarm and he looked at Kwest, who had paused slightly in his exit out of the room. I _knew_ he heard me. So did Tom. He didn't turn around, but kept walking away, obviously not wanting to get involved, but I'm sure he would say something to Tommy about it later. Ha!

"Jude, what are you doing?" he asked me in a harsh whisper.

"I don't know what you're talking about, can we please just finish this so I can get out of here?" I questioned him, rolling my eyes.

"Oh yes, I forgot, your date. Let me mark that on my calendar so I can plan accordingly." he said, his voice dripping with sarcasm, "Maybe we shouldn't let your little hook-ups dictate our recording schedule."

Instead of denying that it was a hook-up, I shrugged. I did not take the bait. He stared at me for a minute, waiting for me to freak out at him. I did not. Somehow managing to keep my cool, I tilted my head to the side, smiling at him flirtatiously. These were some mixed signals I was giving and it was confusing the hell out of him. I love it! He sat down and gestured for me to go into the sound booth. Just then, Kwest came back in with one of his famous sandwiches.

"Ooh! Can I have a bite?" I asked, giving him my most winning smile. He held it out to me. "You're the best!", and after my bite, "damn that bitch is tasty!" He matched my smile, obviously enjoying the attention and Tommy rolled his eyes.

"Jude..." he said using his "warning tone" practically pushing me into the sound booth. I stumbled slightly because I was wearing heels. I made my way to the mic, and bent over to take off my shoes, my skirt riding a little high up my thigh. I turned around and looked at the boys behind the window, who were both staring at my ass.

I cleared my throat, "Do you mind?" I asked, raising my eyebrows at them.

The rest of the afternoon went off without at hitch, and while Tommy and Kwest were out on a bathroom break I turned my inner Nancy Drew on. I went into Tommy's jacket and pulled out his date book, checking to see if he had another "lady" (if you can call them that) scheduled for tonight. Of course, he did, and it even had the time and place he was meeting her. A club called "Aqua" at 9:00, her name was Amy. That's a whore's name if I ever heard one. I wasn't going to stalk Tommy and follow him on his date, but if I _happened_ to be there with my own date and he saw me, what am I to do? I didn't actually have a date scheduled for tonight but I figured Jake would be game. Even though they were meeting at a nightclub, my pseudo-celebrity status would get me in and I knew Jake was 21.

I put Tommy's datebook back in his pocket and sat down with my notebook, scribbling out the words to my next song. I titled it "Two Can Play That Game" which was rather appropriate. After this is all over maybe I'll even record it.

Once we were finished, I left quickly without a word but adding a little extra sway to my step because I knew he was looking. Jake called me around 6 to see what I was up to, and I invited him out.

"Have you ever heard of a club called Aqua?" I asked

"Oh sure, I know the place. Been there a few times with my boys." he answered though the phone, I rolled my eyes. Your boys...please.

"You want to meet me there at say, 8:30?" I asked, smiling into the phone.

"Totally. I'll see you in awhile." We hung up at the same time.

This should be an interesting night.


	8. The Games We Play

A/N

I'm so glad people are into this story still! I'm sorry my last update took so long, I've decided this time I need to finish this baby once and for all. I have a few ideas for different twists coming up so I'm excited to write it again. Hopefully you all think that I'm keeping everyone in character, that's one of my biggest pet peeves. I know Jude might be slightly OOC, honestly, my version of Jude is kind of 75% Jude and 25% me, but that's just where the story is leading her. Anyhoo, here's my next installment, hope you like it!

Jake met me near the entrance to Aqua at around 8:35, so we had a few minutes before the magic happened. He stumbled slightly on the sidewalk (apparently he had been "pre-gaming" with "the boys." His words not mine) I didn't mind though, who am I to pass judgment on anyone? He greeted me, kissing me lightly on the cheek.

"Jude," he said, slightly too enthusiastically, "I'm so glad you wanted to go out tonight. I didn't know you liked to party!"

"Uhh, yeah that's me. Jude Harrison, Party Animal." I shook my head, smiling.

"Let's go get a drink, shall we?" He offered, after paying the cover charge we were let right in. No one even checked my ID. He ordered two drinks and left to use the bathroom. While he was gone I changed my drink order to a soda. After the other night I really was not in the mood for alcohol and I wanted to keep my head about me tonight.

When Jake returned from the bathroom I suggested we go dance. He downed his shot and shuffled onto the dance floor with me. We danced to a couple songs before he leaned in and said,

"By the way, you look so hot tonight." I blushed a little. Good thing it was dark.

I was wearing the same black skirt from earlier but I had paired it with a blue top that was high cut in the front and totally backless. I also had on black tights and really high clear-heeled pumps. My "hooker shoes," Jamie calls them.

"Thanks." was all I could get out. I'm not used to guys being blunt with me like that. He put his hands on my hips and I smiled at him, hoping he would keep them there and not start getting fresh with me. I mean, it was our first "date." The problem was, he was drinking, a lot.

Just then I saw Tommy greet his model friend ("Amy" was it? Whore...) and they took a seat at the bar, ordering drinks. He scanned the room but hadn't seen me yet. I looked away quickly and tried to focus on Jake, trying hard not to make it look like a show. A song with a Latin beat came on, and Jake's hands moved a little lower, just grazing my butt. I was silently thanking Shay for doing those dance lessons with me, or I would have looked like an idiot. My leg comes up, he dips me, and when I'm back up I'm face-to-face with Jake, an inch away from his lips.

He leaned in to kiss me, and I almost stop him. Almost. I saw Tommy watching us. A flash of the other night goes through my mind and before I know it Jake is kissing me, and I'm kissing him although I'm wishing it was someone else. I end the kiss and I say nothing, just smile like everything is normal but inside I want to cry a little. Now the last person I kissed was not Tom Quincy.

I didn't want to be obvious and look directly to see Tommy's reaction so I waited until Jake spun me again. He was still staring at us intently, his little model looked kind of peeved.

The song ended and Jake and I went to get another drink. Jake ordered us two gin and tonics, and the bartender and I had a silent exchange. She made mine virgin. I think she thought I was pregnant and hadn't told my boyfriend yet. Oops! Not this time lady! To get pregnant you actually have to have sex. While we sat at the bar, I could still feel Tommy's eyes on me, like a sixth sense. Imagine my surprise when he came over and leaned on the bar right next to me.

"Jude, what are you doing here?" he asked, not looking angry but not exactly happy either.

"Umm, Dancing. What does it look like?" I replied, giving him my best "innocent face."

Before Tommy could say anything else Jake walked up. "Jude, is this guy bothering you? Oh...hey Tommy. I didn't see it was you. Sorry, I thought you were hitting on my date." I saw a quick flash on anger in Tommy's eyes and then he regained his composure just as quickly. Anyone else would not have noticed, but I'd spent so much time with him in the last year I knew all of his little quirks.

"Jake." Tommy nodded in his direction, acknowledging his presence. Then his attention was turned back to me. He looked like he was waiting for me to say something else. Something snarky maybe, trying to justify my presence in the club. I didn't say anything else. I downed the drink I had in one quick shot and took Jake's hand and led him back onto the dance floor, where they were playing a slower song. Jake's hands returned to my ass, but I didn't say anything, and I didn't stop him. I flashed back to my first video shoot with Shay. The look on Tom's face as Shay's hands slid a little lower. "Hands!" he yelled. I didn't realize it then but this jealousy thing with Tommy dated all the way back then.

We danced for another hour, barely taking a break. Tommy's attention went back and forth from me and his model. Jake got increasingly drunk and increasingly handsy. I suppose that's the price you pay for revenge, or whatever this was. I'd gone too far now to slow down. Jake put his arm around me and I whispered into his ear,

"Let's get out of here."

"Whatever you say..." he slurred. We stumbled out of the club arm in arm (I had not been drinking, but for appearences sake I stumbled right along with him, laughing) As I was expecting, Tommy stopped us right near the door. He took my hand.

"Jude, what are you doing?" he asked, his eyes full of confusion.

"Leaving, is that ok?" I answered sarcastically.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked, looking back and forth between me and Jake.

I stared at him for a good, long time and finally said, "Absolutely." I turned without waiting for a reply, and pulled my hand free of Tommy's. Jake put his arm around my shoulder and smirked at Tommy.

"Jude!" Tom called after me, but we were already gone. I half excepted him to follow me out but he didn't. That's ok though, I was starting to lose my nerve. He had looked so worried, I almost wanted to smile and say, "psych!" and let him know none of it was real. My pride stopped me from doing that. I thought of the other day when we had almost had sex and I admitted all my feelings for him, and how the following day he was there with another girl, as if nothing had happened.

When Jake and I got to my front door, he obviously thought he was coming in. I kissed him lightly on the lips and he attempted to deepen the kiss by shoving his tongue down my throat.

"Not so fast, buddy. I barley know you." I said backing away from him.

"What!" he slurred, frustrated. "What a fucking tease!" I suppose he was right. Love makes you do ridiculous and horrible things. I turned around and shut the door without another word. I would have felt worse if he hadn't been kind of a douche the whole night.

Sitting alone in the dark, I realized there was no way I could take back what happened tonight. Tommy thought I was taking that guy home. I LET him think that, hoping to spark some kind of feeling within him. I guess I'll find out tomorrow if it worked.


	9. The Pain of Endurance

This morning I woke up to an awful, burning feeling of guilt. Guilt for leading Jake on, guilt for making Tommy worry. Guilt. My conscience was screaming at me to come clean, to make things right with Tommy before they can't be repaired. It bothered me so much I could barely get out of bed, I held my breath as I got ready (as if that would make a difference.) I put on an old raggedy hoodie and my headphones underneath them. I blared music while walking through the halls at school, acknowledging no one and keeping my head down.

"Lady Harrison you're looking a little worn this morning." The one and only Vincent Spiederman said as he walked up.

"Don't even ask if I'm ok, the answer is no, and I don't want to talk about it." I said sullenly.

"That's usually when you need to talk the most...when you don't feel like it." He placed his hand gently on my shoulder, "Now come on, tell Uncle Speedy what's the matter."

I sighed,"It's kind of awkward, it's about a guy and we broke up not all that long ago."

"Come on, Jude. We were always better at being friends than being boyfriend and girlfriend."

"It's about..." I started

"Lord Squinty Frown?" he asked rolling his eyes.

"How did you know?" I asked

"Because he's the only one who can make you look that sad." Speed answered matter-of-factly.

I told him the truth because I thought he deserved it, the whole story. Even my escapades last night. He listened intently, nodding at appropriate intervals. When I was done he just stared at me for a minute.

"How can I help?" He asked, finally.

"What?" I was floored.

"No one loves making that guy squirm more than me. Let's kick his torture up a notch!" he said excitedly.

"Thanks, but I don't think I should involve anyone else. In fact, I might let up for awhile. It's getting a little intense." I said, not being able to shake that horrible feeling.

"Well, let me know if you change your mind. I mean, you with another guy makes him mad, you with me again would make his head spin around and pop off." joked Speiderman as he backed away from me making his way to his locker..

I smiled and shook my head in amusement. He's always good for a laugh. I also appreciated his offer, though I wasn't sure if I would take him up on it. I suppose it depends on how it is at the studio. It would also be nice to have someone in on this with me, that way there are no "mishaps" like last night when I basically slammed the door in Jake's face (although he deserved it after yelling at me.) Me and Vincent, eh? I wonder if Tommy would ever believe that we would get back together?

My classes dragged for the rest of the day, and the anticipation for what was sure to be a fun-filled day at G Major was weighing on my mind. I played out every scenario in my head. Maybe I'm just kidding myself and Tommy doesn't give a shit either way if I have sex with random club guys or not. He certainly has sex with enough random chicks to fill the Superdome. Ok, need to get that image out of my mind, fast. Ew. Ew. Ew.

Finally the school day was over. I hauled ass over to G Major, and tried to put on a slightly-more happy face. It was pouring rain, and I was soaked head-to-toe when I finally arrived.

"It raining cats and dogs out there!" I exclaimed to no one in particular. Kwest and Portia both greeted me happily. I waved to Patsy as I passed by Studio C. She flipped me off, lovingly. I was on my way to Studio A when someone came up behind me quick, grabbed my arm, and shoved me into a nearby equipment closet. Tommy.

"What is wrong with you!" he screamed at me in a hushed tone. As hushed as a scream can be, anyway.

"Jesus, Quincy! You scared the crap out of me!" I yelled back, less hushed.

He stood there waiting for an answer. I stared him down, daring him to say anything about last night.

"That guy could have been a serial killer!"

"Whatever, Tommy, he works here."

"Three weeks he's worked here. They'll hire anyone to be an intern! You don't know him, that I know for a fact." he said, his tone getting more parental as he continued. It was really pissing me off. How DARE he act like he cares when just the other night he was ready to deflower me on his old couch!

"I don't know what your getting your panties in a twist for..." I replied sourly.

"What happened to waiting for Mr. Right?" He finally asked me, just above a whisper.

"Fuck Mr. Right. He doesn't exist." I said harshly. I noticed he still had a hard grip on my arm, and I yanked it violently from his grasp. He looked taken aback by what I said and I decided to go for broke. "Aww, did Tom-Tom think he could be my Knight in shining armor?" I laughed bitterly. Then, remembering that his fight-or-flight reflexes leaned heavily on fight, he smirked at me.

"No, I just didn't think you'd turn into a _slut _so quickly." he spat at me, emphasizing _slut._

Without thinking I hauled off and slapped him in the face as hard as I could. Seriously, like he is one to talk.

"I guess I'd rather be a slut than a tease." I said repeating his words from our argument the other day back to him.

He held his face in shock, staring at me hard. I matched his stare and I wasn't sure what to do next, but I wouldn't be the one to back down this time. He moved so fast my brain did not have time to register and before I knew it he was kissing me. This kiss wasn't like before. It was forceful and angry and passionate. Like he had been waiting a thousand years to kiss me and it was finally all-too-much for him to handle. Grabbing fistfuls of my damp hair he shoved me against the wall, never breaking the kiss. Until this point I didn't think it was possible to simultaneously love and hate someone. It is.

He grabbed my hips roughly and lifted me up, keeping me pinned against the wall with his body weight. His hips ground against mine, sending pleasure throughout my body. He kissed me like it was the end of the world, and then just as quickly he jumped off me like I was on fire.

"Fuck!" he yelled, frustrated, "What are you doing to me?" he asked outloud, putting his hands behind his head. Although I suspected he was asking himself, or maybe God. There was no excuse he could give this time. I think he realized that and decided to go for it anyway because he kissed me again, just as urgently as before. He planted wet, hard kisses down my jawline and neck, in between kisses he said, "I can't stand the thought of his hands all over you." I didn't have to ask who, I already knew.

It took every ounce of his self-control to pull away from me again. This time he pushed himself away from me, and put his fist through the wall behind me. I hope he didn't hit a stud. I stared at him wide-eyed in awe and had no idea what to say or do. Part of me wanted to make sure he was ok. The other part looked at him and saw the girl he was making out with less than 12 hours after almost having sex with me. Was he getting what he deserved? It might be too soon to tell. Once again, my pride won, and I attempted to keep up this elaborate ruse. It took a moment to regain my composure.

"Hmm," I said in a raspy tone, "I would have thought you'd be the last person to leave me so unsatisfied..." I chuckled, giving him a half-smile and opening the door to the closet. "Later." I whispered seductively and backed away while his head was still spinning. I wanted the last word this time.

When I turned around half of G Major was staring at me, looking past me into the closet at Tommy who still had his fist in the wall. Patsy was laughing. Jamie looked terrified. Speed gave me a tiny high-five as I passed him. I have no idea how Tommy got his hand out of the wall, I didn't ask. In my head I was already preparing a story for Darius, although I doubted he would believe me. If I thought there was no going back before, it was ever truer now.

* * *

a/n- so what do you think? Do you think Tommy is getting what he deserves or is Jude being too hard on him? I haven't decided what I think yet. Also, what do you think about Speed getting in on the action?


	10. The Truth About Love

The next day Tommy had a cast on his hand. Unfortunately, his other hand was holding that of an unknown hussy. Why is it that every time he gets in an argument with me the next day he's with some girl I've never seen before? He did the same thing when him and Sadie broke up. It's almost like he's saying, "See I can get anyone I want!" Bastard. I chose to ignore it and scooted past them on my way to talk to Jamie and Spiederman. I could feel Tommy's eyes burning the back of my head.

"How are my two favorite guys?" I asked cheerfully.

"Who? Me?" said Jamie, looking around. I laughed and nudged him gently with my elbow.

"We're discussing the pros and cons of being a Nofx fan. So far we've got 8 pros and no cons. Care to weigh in?" Speed asked

"Can't think of any cons myself. Any self respecting music fan has a copy of Punk In Drublic on vinyl." I answered.

"I know, right?" We all smiled and continued talking music but I can't say I was really paying attention. I was watching Tommy out of the corner of my eye. I thought he'd at least want to talk to me after last night but here I am, making myself totally available for conversation and he couldn't care less. Things really have changed.

I guess Spiederman noticed because he put his arm around my shoulder and kissed me on the cheek. It made me feel really safe and normal. I guess Tommy was watching me after all, because when Speed put his arm around me, he took the random girls hand and led her down the hall. God knows what they'll be doing down there. I couldn't tell if they went into Studio C or the bathroom. Either way it was obvious they went off to be "alone" if you catch my drift.

"Hey, Harrison. You want to go jam?" Speed asked, trying to get my attention onto something else. He had see what I had.

"Sure. I'll meet you in Studio C. Let me get something to eat first." I said, getting up and walking over to the small kitchenette. I dug through the fridge trying to find anything edible. Old Chinese food, dried up fried chicken. Kwest's sandwich fixin's. At least you knew those were fresh cause he ate so many sandwiches that he had to restock his supply of meat and mustard every few days. I made a quick turkey sandwich, cut off the crusts and went hesitantly down the same hall that Tommy and the girl went down. I thought if I sent Speed to studio C on his own if something unsavory was going on it would have stopped several minutes before I was there. Unfortunately they had not gone to Studio C, they had gone into the bathroom. Can you say hella nasty?

I practically sprinted past the bathroom, praying I didn't hear anything. That chick was loud. I almost threw up in my mouth, managed to hold it in, and walked into Studio C looking green. The bathroom actually shares a wall with studio C, and neither is soundproofed. Why does God hate me?

Spiederman looked at me sympathetically.

"Let's have a little fun." he said to me, smiling evilly. He plugged his guitar into the biggest amp and turned it into the shared wall. He flipped the switch to shoot the volume all the way up and started playing the opening chords to "Smells Like Teen Spirit." He cackled wildly as the windows shook. There was no way that Tommy and the girl didn't hear him playing loud and clear. I grinned from ear-to-ear, putting my face in the couch to cover up my laughing, as if anyone could hear me over the racket Speed was making. He was almost done with the song when Tommy and the girl stumbled out of the bathroom. The smile on my face disappeared as Tommy buttoned up his shirt and the girl adjusted her skirt. Why did this have to hurt so bad? Why couldn't I just be in love with Jamie or Speed or anyone else? Tommy made brief eye contact with me as he passed by studio C, there was a ghost of a smirk on his face. I didn't blink. Show no weakness, Harrison! Tommy stopped in front of the doorway, acting completely normal (which was rare lately)

"Jude, we have a session in Studio A now." he said completely expressionless.

"Sure, just a minute." I couldn't think of anything else to say. I felt kind of destroyed at the moment. I think he is better at this than I am. Tommy nodded and walked away, leaving me alone with Speed again.

He sat down on the couch next to me, I sighed and rested my head on his shoulder.

"Well, that was fun in a really awful way." he said, trying to bring up my spirits. I kissed him on the cheek.

"You're the best." I smiled and got up off the couch with great difficulty. As I walked out Spiederman stopped me.

"Jude, remember what I said. I could help you." I smiled at him, but didn't really give an answer. I was still thinking it over, trying to come up with my next move, if there was one.

I met Tommy in Studio A about 10 minutes later.

"Nice of you to join me, Harrison." he teased.

"Well, I had nothing better to do..." I said hesitantly. We started working as if everything was normal, completely ignoring the giant pink elephant that was in the room. I was trying to hash out the words to a song but everything I came up with sounded like it was talking directly to Tommy. I didn't want to be THAT obvious and pathetic.

"I'm stuck, Tom," I told him, "I've got nothing left." He walked over to me and looked like he might give me a hug, but Darius showed up right in the nick of time.

"Jude, our team has just come up with a concept for your new video." Oh, you mean for the song about promiscuity? Lovely.

"D, I don't know if we should do a video for that one." I told him trying to avoid an uncomfortable situation.

"Of course we are! The live version you sang the other night is getting all kinds of radio play. People love the 'New Jude' " Darius said with his persuasive tone. I doubt I really had a choice in this at all. Tommy rolled his eyes.

"What's the concept?" I asked Darius, not really wanting to know the answer.

"You meet a guy at a club, seduce him, bring him home. Simple enough." Darius explained.

Simple enough? Sounded a little familiar to me...not like I could say that to Darius. I could feel Tommy's anxiety level rise and I knew he was thinking the same thing.

"So, who's the guy?" I asked.

"We have to hold auditions. Shouldn't be too hard to find one." he answered.

Then a lightbulb went on in my head.

"What about Spiederman?" I asked, hopefully. "He would do great. Since we're so close it would be less awkward, too." Which was true, but I also knew it would push Tommy's buttons. I heard Tommy choke on his soda in the corner.

Darius looked from me to Tommy and back. He's not an idiot, I'm sure he was wondering what was up. I also knew he must have heard about yesterday, seeing as he hadn't asked Tommy why he had a cast on his hand. He raised his eyebrows at me.

"Really? Well, if that's what you want..." he said skeptically. He gave Tommy a hard look and exited the room.

Tommy looked at me and I couldn't read the expression on his face. "Well, this should be fun." he said.

"Can we just not fight for one day, please? I'm so exhausted, and I'm sure you're...in pain." I nodded to his arm.

"Sure." he said, smiling at me genuinely. "So, Spiederman in your video, huh? You sure he won't get the wrong idea? I mean, you did _ask _for him."

He never quits poking the bear, does he?

"I think he'll get the _right _idea." I told Tommy, wanting to remain vague but hinting at something...I guess I would end up involving Speed in this after all.

"What does that mean?" he asked sounding a little possessive.

"Whatever you want it to, Quincy. I told you I'm not arguing with you today, so if you don't mind..." I trailed off. I saw a little gleam in his eye and he came over to stand next to me.

"Jude..." he smiled at me with that Quincy charm, "I don't want to argue either. It's been a rough couple of days for us. Eventually we're gonna have to talk it out, but for now I'm cool with letting bygones be bygones. What do you say?" I was looking at the ground, but he bent over to make direct eye contact with me, my heart skipped a beat. Damn him. There's something that's so seductive about the thought of just being me again, and Tommy being my friend. Part of me still hates him and the way be plays with my mind. But tomorrow is my video shoot, with Spiederman. The mind games can wait until then.

a/n- ok I was watching season 4 of instant star tonight and i got to "london calling" i hate that episode so much. maybe if they gave the show a season 5 and jude could come back i wouldn't despise it so much...because the Jude we all came to know and love would have never left Tommy like that. who spends 4 years obsessing over somebody just to leave the country as soon as you get them. WTF. ok thanks for reading my rant. i'm gonna go watch a little season 2 (my favorite season) and maybe i'll feel better. anyhoo, i hope yall like this chapter. i found it kind of hard to write. there is something so fun about writing Tommy when he's mad but i felt like i didn't want to do it forever. im going to give them a short break from fighting, throw a few wrenches in the works afterwards and see what happens...kapish? also expect to see more Spiederman. I found myself having a huge fangirl crush on him recently...


	11. The Fire Inside

A/n- Hello, my lovelies! I apologize for the delay. I was suffering from a bit of writers block so I took a bit of time, rewatched the whole series for ideas. There are two things I love. Dark Tommy (when he's rockin' his beard in Possesion) and Jude/Spiederman's friendship. To be clear, I hated them as a couple. It was incestuous. But I like that Speed can stand up to Tommy, where as Jamie always crapped his pants in fear. I am determined to finish this story, but I need to wrap up a few story lines to do so. There will probably be maybe 3 more chapters. Enjoy, and REVIEW for faster updates :)

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I leaned against the brick wall in the alley, trying to determine the best way of asking Spiederman to do this video with me. He offered his help with the whole "Tommy situation" but this seemed like a lot to ask. I mean, we broke up not that long ago, and the scenario for the video has us making out...a lot. Can you say awkward? I told Darius it would be less awkward with Speed but the more I thought about it, it might be worse than if it was with a stranger. Also, it will only work at pissing off Tommy if we make it believable. I went back inside, trying to face my fears and ran straight into the object of my anxiety.

"Whoa, Harrison. You got a fire in your pants?" Speed said, and than immediately frowned. I raised my eyebrows at him, waiting for the laugher. "Oops, that came out wrong."

"Heh, it sure did. It's all good though, I was actually looking for you. We need to talk...in private." I winked at him and led him into an unoccupied office.

"What's with the cloak-and-dagger, dude?" he whispered, as if there were people around to hear.

"I wanted to take you up on your offer. You know, helping me mess with Tommy. I feel like one last strike and then he'll be pissed enough to be honest with me" I explained.

"Of course! Sounds like fun, what did you have in mind?" he asked, smiling ear-to-ear.

"We're shooting a video for "No Strings" today. I need a male lead, and I want it to be you." I told him, "the only problem is that it's kind of...intense. Lots of kissing. I know we broke up not that long ago, even though it was mutual, I don't want there to be weirdness."

"If it would succeed on making Lord Squinty Frown squintier and frownier, than let's do it. No weirdness at all. It'll be acting, like in the 6th grade play we did together." he laughed, remembering our 6th grade production of The Wizard of Oz. He was the cowardly lion. He sucked...

"I don't think they would have us do this in 6th grade, but I get what your saying. So your in?" I asked hopefully.

"For sure, Harrison. I could never say no to you." he said putting his arm around me. Just then Tommy rounded the corner and saw Speed and I sharing the moment.

"Uh, Jude. We need you to go to makeup, they're going to start soon." Tommy said, glaring at Speed. He had never liked him, but I can't figure out why.

"Don't they need me too, Quincy? After all, I am Jude's co-star." Speed said smugly. Without waiting for an answer, he took my hand and we walked together towards the makeup department. I wanted to look over my shoulder so bad, to see Tommy's reaction, but fought the urge. It's not going to work if he thinks I'm doing this to get a reaction out of him. I just want Tommy to stop being such a coward and admit he has feelings for me. Is that too much to ask?

After we get our makeup and hair done, Vincent Spiederman looks over at me and smiles.

"You look beautiful, Jude." he says, lovingly. "And that's not me acting."

"Thanks, buddy. Thank you for doing this for me. You're the only one I could trust." I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek, "see you on set." I added, backing away.

The set for the video was filled with various G Major employees. I knew almost everyone, and I'm not sure if that made it more or less awkward when it came to the steamy scenes Speed and I were going to have to film. Luckily, the director started us out easily with some insert shots, some walking around, guitar playing. Mostly the boring stuff. Darius had a chair right behind the director and Tommy was next to him. I'm not sure why Tommy was right there with the big wigs. He was the producer of the song, not the video. But there he was, where I knew he would be. He just couldn't stay away.

"Ok Jude. This is the part where you seduce him. You've got him right where you want him, then push him into the wall for a passionate kiss. I want PASSION, Jude. Make me believe it!" the director yelled at me. Figures I would get a total douchebag for a director. So I braced myself for the inevitable and threw myself into it.

"Action!" he yelled.

I put on my most seductive look and circled Speed once, sizing him up. He just watched, trying to resist. I ran my hand down his chest, before stopping at his belt buckle, then pushing him into the wall. I kissed him with everything I had, like I do with Tommy. With all my passion, love, frustration. He grabbed my hair, pulling me closer. It wasn't as weird as I thought it would be, but suddenly I remembered how many people were watching, and I froze.

"Cut!" the director screamed at me. "What happened? That was a good take, then you ruined it!"

"Sorry, just not used to doing this in front of so many people." I said shyly. It was the truth. Whether this was a ruse or not, it was still sharing an intimate act with like 40 people staring at me, including the man I love. Speaking of, I managed a glance at Tommy, who was silently seething about 10 feet to my left. I saw his jaw twinge and I knew he was pretty upset. But not upset enough, yet.

"Yeah, we're used to this in the privacy of Jude's bedroom." Speed joked, a little too loud. I looked up at him with huge, terrified eyes. "Speed!" I yelled in a hushed whisper. Tommy stood up quickly, knocking over his chair. Wait, was this what I wanted? Before I could say anything else, the director interrupted my train of thought.

"Ok, we're going again. Can we get it right this time? I need you to go from the wall to the bed, push him down, climb on top and take off your shirt." the director explained, I just nodded, listening and silently cringing at how intense this was getting.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me!" Tommy yelled, walking over to our little pow-wow angrily. "Is this a video or a fucking porn shoot?" usually I would be pissed at Tom at this point, but I kind of agreed. I stayed quiet.

"Quincy, chill the hell out. This is the concept we agreed on." Darius said, joining the group. Spiederman looked at Tommy with a smug smirk, begging him to say anything else. Tommy shook his head, picked up his chair and sat back down in it, Darius joined him. I shrugged and Speed and I took our places once again.

"Action!" The director shouted yet again.

This take started off the same, with me circling Speed, shoving him into the wall and kissing him passionately. Then Speed took control, pushing me down onto the bed, smiling at me with a fiendish look. I imagine to an outsider this actually was pretty sexy, I just felt awkward, but I don't think anyone noticed. We roll together, me ending up on top, and I pulled my shirt over my head, praying we only had to do this once. I was wearing the same black, lacy bra that I was wearing the night Tommy and I almost had sex, but I hadn't realized it until now. I'm sure he recognized it, though. I saw him take a swig of cola and choke on it when he looked at me. I leaned in to kiss Speed again, pulling him close to me.

Remembering that private moment with Tommy when I was half-naked on top of somebody else made me want to cry and puke. At this moment, I didn't want to be doing this any more. I had fooled myself with this game, thinking I could handle it. Maybe I really am too young to know anything about love. If I really did love Tommy, would I want to torture him like this?

I broke the kiss and sat up with tears in my eyes. "I'm sorry, I can't do this." I said softly, tears running down my cheeks. I got up and off of Spiederman, and ran quickly out of the room, my heels clacking behind me.

"Jude!" Speed called after me, being a good friend.

"Jude!" I heard Darius yell as I got a little father away. I didn't care enough to stop. I got to the bathroom and sunk down onto the floor, spilling all the tears I had been holding back for days.

I heard the bathroom door swing open.

"Leave me alone." I mumbled without looking up.

"Jude..." I heard Tommy's voice whisper, "Can we talk?"

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what do you think? loving it or hating it?


	12. The Honesty is the Best Policy

A/N-

Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! I don't want you all to think I forgot about you :) I've just been in the process of moving, and you know how that goes. My Instant Star inspiration is still there, I've been reading a lot of other peoples fanfics. It just easier to find the time to read rather than write. Without further ado, here's the next chapter. I hope you like it!

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Sitting on the bathroom floor in a tight skirt and a black bra, I had never felt so stupid. I set out to do this to prove a point to Tommy, to make him feel what I felt. To make him finally admit his feelings. I think I was just fooling myself. Now I look like a grade A idiot. I couldn't even look him in the eyes.

"Jude...We really need to talk about this. It's long overdue, and obviously it's affecting you." he looked down at me gently extending his hand to help me up.

"Why are you here, Tom? Isn't there some ridiculous skank you should be meeting in here?" I spat at him. I couldn't just take the high road, could I? He winced slightly and I could tell he was holding back a snide comment. Between fight or flight, Tommy always fights. He managed to swallow whatever he was going to say though.

He reached out and straightened my bra strap. "This looks familiar." he said with an awkward chuckle trying to lighten the mood. I just stared at him, waiting for him to talk.

"Look, Jude. I feel like shit. I've been a real asshole to you lately." I crossed my arms and made eye-contact with him for the first time since he had entered the bathroom, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm attracted to you, I think that's obvious. I'm confused as fuck. The other night, I can't believe we almost did...what we did. I feel like I let you down. After all the alcohol, I couldn't stop myself any more, but after you told me you thought I could be your first..." he explained, suddenly getting really uncomfortable with the honesty. I wondered how long it had been since he was this honest with someone. He continued, "So I tried to go back to what I was used to which was getting with random girls. I thought if I pushed all the feelings away and got with someone else somehow they'd go away. All I ended up doing was push you towards someone else...someone you barely knew..."

I felt a huge surge of guilt. I could see how badly he felt after seeing me leave with Justin. I guess I was just as confused as he was.

"Don't you understand how hurtful that was though? I mean, you go from pushing me away, to chasing after me while you're wasted. Then not even 12 hours later your making out with some girl I've never seen before in front of me. I tell you I thought you could be my first, albeit angrily, then I see that? I feel like such a piece of shit, you know that? What a real special connection we have!" The hurt of what he did felt fresh again, after finally confronting him about it. It overwhelmed the guilt I had about making him think I had been with someone else.

He started to pace around the room, his hands in his pockets, guilt and shame evident on his face.

"If anyone is a piece of shit it is me." he said quietly.

"I need some answers. You owe me that." I said, "Why did you kiss me that night in your apartment? What made that night any different from the others?"

"Jude..." he started and I could tell he was going to try and avoid the question.

"And if you give me some shit about my age I'm going to break your other hand..." I said flatly. I really would have, too.

He looked frustrated. He knew I wasn't going to let this go, but I deserved answers, right? He's been playing with my head for almost 2 years!

"What the fuck do you want me to say, Jude? It _is _about your age. As much as you don't want to think it matters, it does to me. What other people think matters...but here's the truth: I kissed you because I wanted to. I would have had sex with you if you hadn't stopped me. I was drunk and tired of fighting it, this _need_ I have to be close to you. It kills me that someone else got you first. Even stone-cold sober as I am now I want to break Spiederman's fucking face for touching you, video shoot or not." he explained, and then he looked relieved, like he was just happy to finally have it out there.

"Tommy..." I started, but couldn't fight my own urge any longer. I walked over to him, standing on my tiptoes, and kissed him gently. I was suddenly very aware that I was standing there in my bra, but I chose to ignore it. The kiss was slow and loving, and filled with sadness on my end. Because once I told him the truth, he was going to hate me.

I pulled back from him with tears in my eyes. I took a deep breath and gave him a half-hearted smile.

"I have to tell you something." I said, and he looked at me questioningly. I bit my lip, trying to find the words. "I lied to you. Well, maybe not lied, but let you believe something that wasn't true."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, his eyes full of confusion and the guilt that lingered from before.

"I didn't sleep with that guy. I let you believe that I did. I was hurt and angry." I explained with the tears starting to cascade freely.

I saw a glimmer of realization in Tommy's eyes. He was putting together what had been going on the past few days.

"You were messing with me?" he asked, his hurt becoming evident.

"When I saw you kissing that girl after what happened between us, I couldn't breathe. I was so hurt. I felt cheap and used, like nothing. Like I was some girl you wouldn't even remember the next day. On to the next..." I mumbled between sobs. All of the hurt, rejection, and guilt piling up on me. "I thought you deserved it, but it only made me feel worse."

"I can't believe you did that!" he said loudly, not quite yelling, but with an air of anger. "I thought I pushed you to sleeping with a stranger! I hated myself!"

Part of me thought he deserved to be angry, but the other half of me still believed he deserved what I did to him. I decided to attempt to stand up for what I did.

"It could have just as easily been true. I thought about it, I really did. But in the end, as angry as I was with you, I still couldn't be with anyone else. You deserved a taste of your own medicine, but I couldn't go through with it. I still want it to be you..." the last part I said quietly. Ashamed to admit that after everything he had done to me, I still wanted him.

"This is why we can never be together, Jude. You're still a child playing childish games." he said bitterly. There it is. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I actually got Quincy to admit real feelings for me, but I knew he would always find a reason to stay away from me. I don't know if he was actually that mad about what I did or if he was looking for an out. Well I guess he found one. I _gave_ him one.

"And you're still the asshole that breaks my heart every damn day." I shrugged my shoulders, held my head high, and walked away from Tom Quincy.

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Sorry this chapter is kind of short. I wanted Jude and Tommy's conversation to be it's own chapter, because of it's importance. I was going to write a little more, but I like the dramatic effect of where I left it. Cliffhanger! I'll update again soon, I promise.


	13. The Realization

After all the drama of the day, I just wanted to go home, cry, and sleep. I got into my car feeling a little numb, and don't even remember driving home, all of a sudden I was just in my driveway. That can't be good, can it? I think maybe there is some point where your emotions have been on such a high that eventually you don't feel anything anymore. I'm pretty sure I've crossed that threshold. I let myself in, grabbed a bag of chips from the cupboard and curled up on the couch with ones of Jamie's Nana-made afghans. Every year we got a new one for Christmas.

At this point, my phone started blowing up. I ignored calls from Darius, Spiederman, Jamie, and eventually I answered when Sadie called. Sometimes a girl just needs her sister. When I started to explain, however, I couldn't stop sobbing and she couldn't understand a word I was saying,

"I'll be home in 10 minutes," she said, "And I'll tell Darius our dog died or something and that you need a personal day or two."

"But...we don't have a dog..." I managed.

"He doesn't know that." I could feel her smiling at me on the other end of the line.

"Thanks, Sade. I'll tell you everything when you get here." and I did.

I told her about the fights, the kisses, the "incident" at Tommy's apartment. She sat quietly while I described the stupid plan I had made to make him jealous. God bless her, she didn't say a word, and didn't judge my stupidity.

"I don't know what to do now, Sadie. I'm in love with him. I'm in love with him and he's a stupid, selfish ass." I cried.

"Jude, maybe you just need a break from him. He'll get over this, Tommy can't hold a grudge for the life of him. Go out, have fun, live your life. Don't rest on your laurels waiting for Little Tommy Q to wake up and smell the hottie...Just live, you know? He'll come around. It's always been you, to him." she told me.

"Except for when it was you..."

"You know that's not true. Why do you think we broke up? I didn't really think he cheated on me, I just knew that I wasn't the Harrison sister he wanted, and I'm not into being anyone's second choice. I mean, look at me!" she said smiling.

"And humble, too." I leaned forward and gave her a hug. She patted my leg as she stood up.

"Now I have to get back to G Major. Some of us work for a living..." she said sarcastically.

I spend the rest of the day watching Fight Club. That is my movie for emotional crisis. Every time I'm super pissed or upset, I watch it and pretend I'm beating in someones face. It's saved me a lot over the years, and probably stopped me from _actually_ beating in someone's face. I've got some rage.

That night Ryan called me to see if I wanted to go out. I was reluctant but remembered Sadie's advice and decided to take it. I mean, I'm not making very good decisions for myself lately. I think it's time I listened to someone else. I arrived at the restaurant a little early and sat down to wait patiently. I was actually really excited to see Ryan. He was a nice guy, there was no drama, just a bit of nice conversation. When Ryan arrived, he was smiling ear to ear. I hadn't noticed before how handsome he actually was. His sandy blonde hair and emerald eyes complimented his tanned complexion. He looked like he had just stepped out of an Abercrombie ad. He greeted me with a quick kiss on the cheek.

"I hope you haven't been waiting long." he said, making eye contact with me. I _love _that.

"Nope, just got here. It's nice to see you again." I told him, smiling flirtatiously. I'm really glad I didn't include him in all the Tommy madness. It would have been really lame to ruin a perfectly good chance at an actual relationship.

Instead of the general small-talk that we had had on our last date, this time we talked about our families, our childhoods, our favorite things. You know, things you actually want to know while getting to know someone. It dawned on me that I only knew like half of this stuff about Tommy, but I quickly kicked myself for thinking about Tommy at all while sitting at a table with this other wonderful hot guy.

"So, tell me about your last relationship." Ryan asked casually.

"uhh...you think that is such a good idea?" I replied skeptically.

"Oooh, that bad, huh?" he said with a smile. "It's ok, I won't judge. I just want to know everything about you."

God, this guy is awesome.

"Ok, but you asked for it." I contemplated telling him about my relationship with Spiederman, but decided that being honest about the whole Tommy situation would actually be cathartic, and I knew Ryan wouldn't be judgmental about it.

"I had this complicated...thing...with my producer." I started

He nodded, looking interested. "Ah, a workplace romance, huh?"

"Sort of. Minus any actual romance. See...ugh this is hard to explain." I rolled my eyes up, as if the answered would be written on my eyebrows or something. "I was in love with him. He was the first person I ever felt like really understood and liked me for who I am, not who he wanted me to be. But he was older than me, and it really bothered him. He always worried about what other people would say, not what he actually felt. I got mad at him for always being with other girls, and rubbing the age thing in my face. I did some stupid stuff after that, that I'd rather not talk about." I finished, exhaling quietly.

"So how did things end up?" he asked, still really interested.

"Ummm..." I thought about it, "Awkward."

"Ok, that's not cryptic." he said, smiling.

"I know, I'm not trying to avoid the question, I just don't really know yet. I just know I'm tired of dealing with the drama, and I'm just...done. Does that make sense?"

"Sure, totally." he replied although I could tell he didn't really understand. I did not want to go into further detail about how things ended up with Tommy because they were still so fresh. Sure, I was having fun on my date, but Tommy broke my heart literally 8 hours earlier. I was just surprised I wasn't crying. There is a lot to be said for distraction in the form of a good-looking man.

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Meanwhile, Sadie was organizing some files, shortly after arriving back a G Major. She had seen Tommy watch her come in, and he kept his eye on the door, apparently waiting for Jude to be behind her. But Jude never came. After about 10 minutes of watching the door, he approached Sadie.

"Hey, Sades, how's it going?" he asked with that Quincy charm on full blast.

"I know what you're doing. She's not here." Sadie said matter-of-factly.

Tommy frowned. Who knew he was so transparent? His shoulder slumped and he dropped the act.

"Where is she?" he asked quietly.

"When I left she was watching Fight Club and crying. Nice work." Sadie said sarcastically. She glared at Tommy, waiting for him to reply. He looked down, ashamed.

"Maybe I should go talk to her..." he started but Sadie interrupted just as fast.

"Don't you think you've done enough?" she asked him angrily.

"She told you?" was all Tommy could manage. He was genuinely surprised that Jude had confided in Sadie about this, seeing as they had always fought over Tommy and his affections.

"Yes, and she's not home anyway. She is out on a date with that guy from the tabloids. Ryan, I think his name was. Why don't you just let her move on?"

Tommy hadn't even heard the second part of what Sadie had said, after the word "date" he stopped listening as his heart dropped into his stomach.

"On a second date?" he asked, totally oblivious to Sadie's contempt. She glared at him again through her thick lashes.

"Yes, Tommy, on a second date. She could really like this guy, so don't be an idiot and ruin it for her. Why is it you only care when she shows interest in someone else?"

"You know, Jude asked me the same thing and I thought she was paranoid. I guess I really do do that, huh?" he said, slightly embarrassed by his own stupidity.

"You sure do."

"I think it's because that's the only time I actually feel like I might lose her. I can't stand that feeling." Tommy said sincerely.

"Well, that's nice, Tom, but you have to want her all of the time if you really want to keep her. I'm not stupid, I always knew how you felt about Jude. You just need to decide if looking good to the press is really worth losing someone like her. Jude is a special person, she won't wait forever." Sadie told him, watching the resolve form on his face.

"Do you think I'm too late?" Tommy asked nervously.

Sadie looked at him for a long moment, trying to decide if his motives were pure. She decided to give him a chance. His last one.

"She's as Mario;s on Second Avenue."

"Thanks Sadie, I owe you big time." he said, and before she could reply he was gone.

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A/n- what do you think? Will Jude be able to forgive Tommy? Has she already moved on with Ryan? Stay tuned, peoples! Oh, and review :) I'll give you a big cookie!


	14. The Rescue

A/N- Alrighty, here's my next installment. I hope you like it! I know it takes me a while to get chapters out, and I apologize for that. If I ever write another fanfic, I'm definitely going to plan it out first, cause I've just been making this up as I go. This story is actually way longer than I originally planned, which was for a two-shot. Writing it has just been a lot more fun than I expected and I've gotten a really nice response, considering it's fanfic for a show that hasn't been on for over 4 years. I honestly still love Instant Star, I watch it on a regular basis, the cds are frequently in my car. So without further ado...

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Ryan and I continued our conversation throughout most of the evening. The whole time I kept wondering, 'Is this what this is supposed to be like? Is this what a drama-free relationship is?' I found myself drifting in and out of paying attention to the conversation. My thoughts returned to Tommy, as they usually do. I wondered if he would forgive me, if things would ever go back to the way they were. I didn't even care anymore about feelings or whatever, I just missed my best friend.

"Jude..." Ryan said, waving his hand in front of my face. His eyes bore into mine, questioning. "You still here with me?"

"Of course, I think the wine is making me a little spacy." I said with a smile. _Come on Jude, this guy is cute and nice and totally into you. Don't blow it on Quincy thoughts!_

Ryan seemed to accept my explanation and I focused on our conversation, which at this point was on my next tour. I left in 3 weeks, and I was really nervous about it. I enjoyed my time with Ryan, I laughed and smiled at the appropriate intervals, but I couldn't help but feel like something was missing. That passion, that fire I felt with Tommy. I guess feeling doesn't come around too often.

We stood up to put on our coats, and Ryan helped me into mine. He leaned in to kiss me, and I returned the kiss. It was a decent kiss. What can I say? The boy knew how to kiss. His hand went to the back of my head to deepen the kiss, but I couldn't help realizing that we were in the middle of a restaurant. I wondered why he was kissing me now...couldn't he wait until we were at my door or somewhere where a restaurant full of people weren't staring at us?

_*flash* _

_click click_

_*flash*_

I jerked away from Ryan to see where the flashing was coming from. There was a small swarm of paparazzi gathered near the door of the restaurant.

"Do you mind?" I yelled, pushing past them to get outside. I heard a slight chuckle from Ryan behind me.

"Took you guys long enough..." he said to the group of camera-clickers. It took me a second to register what he said, and I looked up at him with a realization.

"You called them?" I asked, sadly.

"Of course, honey. Now my photo will be on the cover of every tabloid in the country tomorrow. Everyone will want to read my article about the real truth behind Jude Harrison and Tom Quincy. It's quite a scandal, you know."

"I told you that in confidence!" I screamed at him, hurt and betrayal in my eyes.

"Sorry, Jude. I don't think you realize how much these magazines will pay for a good story. Especially one that comes straight from the source." Ryan replied, smirking. I raised my hand to slap him across the face, but a fist beat me to it. Ryan fell backwards, crashing into a table behind him and knocking over a waiter with a tray of drinks. I looked up to see where the mysterious fist came from and there was Tommy, face red with anger, shaking his hand (like one does after they punch someone really hard)

I wondered if Tommy had actually seen the whole exchange or just saw Ryan kissing me, and decided to punch him. I wouldn't put either scenario past Tom Quincy, he was just passionate like that, and I loved him for it.

He looked at me, shrugged he shoulders giving me a half-smile and extended his hand out to me.

"Come on," he said, leaning into me, whispering, "let's get out of here."

I took his hand without a second thought, and followed Tom out of the restaurant. There were even more paparazzi outside and I cringed at what kind of stories were going to be out in the morning. You'd think after seeing Tommy punch Ryan in the face, they'd back off a little, fearing for their own safety.

"Tommy, Tommy! Why did you hit that man? Was Jude cheating on you?" one man yelled.

"Jude! Did you know that Tommy had such a violent streak? Is it true that you fear for your safety?" I actually laughed outloud at the question. I looked down at Tommy's cast-laden hand and wondered if he did any worse damage to it. He led me to the viper and opened the door for me. Then he ran around the other side and jumped in while shoving several paparazzi out of the way. He started the car and sped off without a word. Once we were about a mile away, I finally got the courage to look at him.

"Tom? Are you ok?" I asked cautiously, eying his hand again.

"Yes, I'm fine." he said quietly. He glanced at me, and then looked away when he saw I was staring at him.

"Heh, I guess you really are my knight-in-shining-armor..." I joked, trying to break the tension. He looked at me longer this time, frowning. Then he cracked a slight smile.

"Did you hear the questions they were asking us? This could get bad." I said

"For once, I really don't care what they think, Jude. That guy was a dick and when I heard what he was saying to you, I couldn't let him get away with it. So maybe he will write an article, maybe he won't. But he'll be doing it with a black eye." Tommy told me, smiling at the end. Most likely remembering what it felt like to punch the jerk who had been kissing me.

"Yeah, why were you there anyway?" I watched Tommy shift uncomfortably. I got no answer, obviously he thought he could get away with just not answering me...think again, Quincy! He pulled into my driveway, turned off the engine and sat there quietly.

"So..." I said trailing off. "This was a weird day." He looked up briefly and his eyes met mine. God he was really beautiful. I know that sounds like a girly thing to be, but not in Tommy's case. He's definitely a man, just...pretty. So good looking that saying he's "hot" or "handsome" doesn't really cover it. Honestly, I don't know how he doesn't have a bigger ego than he does. All this was running through my head and I could see Tommy watching the emotions play across my face.

"What are you thinking about so hard?" he asked.

"You really don't want to know, Quincy." I answered, and then the silence crept up on us again.

Tommy started to say something and then stopped.

He tried again and failed. His mouth opened and closed, like he was searching for words, or he had gone dumb in the last 30 seconds, forgetting how to speak. I eyed him curiously, waiting for him to spit out whatever he was trying to express. 30 seconds went by, then 1 minute. Two more minutes passed and we sat there in a weird tug-of-war, where I was waiting for him to speak and he was trying to find words. Finally, I gave up.

"Well, Tommy, thanks for the ride." I said, shrugging my shoulders, meeting his eyes one last time. I opened the door and swung my legs out.

"I think I'm in love with you."

There were a lot of things I thought he would say. That was definitely not one of them.

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Don't forget to review! It's my crack and I am jonesing for a fix!


	15. The Impeccable Feeling of Hope

A/n- So it's been over a year since I updated this fic. This will be the last chapter. I've read a lot of fics since I worked on this, and a good portion of them were left unfinished. I HATE that. It's the worst. I don't want to be a hypocrite. So i'm going to tie up this story, hopefully satisfying the lovely people who were kind enough to read it. Thank you so much for your support, and once again I'm sorry I took this long to finish this fic. I appreciate every review, so if you would be so kind...

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I stared at Tommy with a look of utter shock and surprise on my face. How could I not? I knew Tommy was attracted to me, we had kissed, it was awesome. But how on earth did we go from kissing to him being in love with me? I think he may have lost his mind.

"Tommy, did you hit your head? I think you may be delusional." I told him with honest sincerity. I looked at him with confused eyes as he attempted to form his next sentence.

"No, Jude, I love you. I'm a coward and an idiot. I hid it for so long, I felt like a pervert, feeling this way about you when you are as young as you are...but that's not an excuse anymore. Now it's only my ego that's in the way of us." he looked at me with an honest sincerity and pinched myself silently to make sure I wasn't dreaming.

"It's not that I don't like hearing you say it, but just a few days ago, you were banging a chick in the bathroom of G Major. So forgive me if I'm not the first one to jump on this bandwagon of honesty. I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty, but honestly I think that seeing me with another guy upset your ego and you set off with some half-cocked mission to keep me from all other men. If I had a boyfriend, I wouldn't spend my days and night pining after you. That's what this is really about."

Tom stared at me, incredulous. It really seemed to anger him that I didn't believe him right from the go, but do you blame me? He WAS making out with another chick a few nights ago, and before then he pushed and pushed and pushed me away every chance he got. As strongly as I feel for him, how can I believe that? How can I put my soul on the line like that again? I cried, I hated, I convulsed with hate. I pushed the feelings away until they attempted to be a distant memory.

"Jude, you don't understand..." he started

"No, Tommy, I understand just fine. Your jealous. Even though Ryan turned out to be a prick, your jealous. You never give me a second look until I have someone else paying attention to me, and then you have a conniption. Well, relax, Tom! I didn't have sex with him. Get over it and stop messing with my mind, because as much as I would like to not sound like a stupid teenage girl right now, I can't take you telling me you love me. I really can't." I looked down with sad determination.

"Jude, I know I've given you no reason to believe me, but I need you to. I need you to know that I am in love with you and I'm an idiot."

"Tom, You were FUCKING someone in the bathroom of G Major 48 hours ago! I heard it! It made me want to throw up all over myself and slit my wrists!"

He looked at me with sad eyes, and I knew he understood. Whether he loves me or not, he pushed me too far. He pushed me away to the point of breaking. I no longer denied that I was in love with Tom Quincy, but I wished that I wasn't. It's a sad realization; that of love and then not wanting it. I didn't WANT to want Quincy, I just did. He broke my heart again and again and nothing ever changed it, and that made me feel sad and weak.

All I could do was try to think of something else to say that would make him understand the way I felt. I knew he was jealous of the other guys in my life, and the only thing I could think of was to tell him I had sex with Speiderman and was now dating him. Believable? Not really...but the effect would work. Tom would back off. He doesn't like to think that anyone know him, not really. In truth, I know Tom better than he knows himself in some instances.

"Jude, I'm so sorry, I was just trying to fool myself, you know? Trying to prove that you aren't the only thing I think about."

My heart melted a bit at his expression. He looked so vulnerable. He eyes twinkled brightly, absorbing the light of the street light. I didn't know what to say...should I care? This man stomped on my heart on more than one occasion? But forgive and forget is a very important concept to me. Why else do you think I've stayed friends with Quincy this long?

"Tom, I love you, I do, and it feels redundant to say that. You know how I feel. You HAVE known. I've never hid it from you. I've always been honest. Maybe it's me being stupid. Part of me feels like I should jump at this chance with you, but the part that is involved with my brain is telling me to run away top speed. I feel like I can't trust you."

Tom stared at me awhile, and I'm sure he didn't know what to say.

"Ok, Jude, if that's what you need. If you want me to prove it, I will. I just know that now that I've finally admitted the truth, I'm not willing to take a step back." the look of sheer determination on his face shook me.

I smiled softly at him and climbed out of the car.

"I really hope you do, Quincy."

Walking to my door I felt his stare linger on my back, and than disappear as quickly as it came. Probably him trying not to be "creepy" again. Shutting the door and hearing that "click" made everything replay in my mind. The date, the fight, the 'admission of love'. It made me feel crazy, like there were too many thoughts in my head. And just like that a wave to excitement and realization washed over me. I was being so stupid. I've wanted Tom Quincy since I met him, and now he's saying that he wants me and I'm pushing him away?

I suppose it's wise to be cautious, but what's that saying? "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth?" Coming to my senses, I opened the door back up to see if he was still outside. I guess he has driven away, so I stood in my driveway contemplating my stupidity.

Just like that I grabbed the keys to my car, determined to finish this once and for all. The drive to Tommy's apartment seemed long but familiar. Once I got there I sat outside of his apartment for a few minutes, gathering my thoughts. It's now or never.

I knocked on his door, anxiety flowing through me. It opened within seconds and I saw the shock of a lifetime on his face.

"Hi," I said, a look of hesitance and bashfulness on my face.

"Hi," he replied, equally as hesitant. Who could blame him? I shot him down less than an hour ago. He didn't know how many thoughts and decisions I had made in my mind since then.

"Say it again." I told him, sounding as hopeful and young as I was.

He looked at me for a long time, confused for a while, but slowly the realization hit him and it was beautiful. A man who never thought he deserved to be loved, not really. A collision of calmness and fear, eliminating any doubts I may have had. He finally spoke, tentative and cautious.

"I love you." Tom winced a little, preparing for rejection.

"I love you, Tom. I'm sorry if I made you doubt it. I was scared." I smiled at him, trying to convey all of the happiness and hope I was feeling. He looked at me for a long while before breaking into a grin of his own. I started to say something else but he grabbed me with force and kissed me for all he was worth. In that instant, I knew I had made the right decision. I loved him, there was nothing stopping us anymore. His hands weaved up my back as mine wrapped around his neck. No, there was no need to argue anymore. I got what I wanted, finally, and it felt right. Why question it?


End file.
